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Nowadays celebrities are mainly famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree and disagree? v.2

For the past few years, celebrities fame has increased for their beauty and incomes despite their achievement. In my opinion, I don’t agree that all the celebrities are bad role models for the society as some of them they can be extremely inspirational for teenagers because of their hard work and lifestyle. On one hand, with the revolution of technology, everything is in view of everyone. Teenagers may be affected for what they see. In other words, showing off their net worth and their fancy life style can be understood wrongly by the youth they might think that happiness can only exist with money. For instance, celebrities promote for high stared hotels and shops, teenagers can feel upset when they cannot afford it. On the other hand, there are some celebrities who can be a positive role model for young adults. For instance, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the highest-paid football players in the world because of his determination, talent, and hard work. In fact, he is constantly training and working in order to build his stamina and endurance, aiming to give his best on the field. Therefore, he is extremely inspirational for children and young adults as Cristiano shows that it is essential to fight for our dreams by being a hardworking and perseverant person. Thus, some celebrities can be great role models for today’s society as they teach people pertinent lessons. To sum up, young individuals can be negatively influenced by celebrities who only flaunt their riches and lust. However, in my opinion, there are also some celebrities who can teach us valuable life lessons by showing us their accomplishments in life.
For the past few years,
celebrities
fame has increased for their beauty and incomes despite their achievement. In my opinion, I don’t
agree
that all the
celebrities
are
bad
role models for the society as
some
of them they can be
extremely
inspirational for
teenagers
because
of their
hard
work and lifestyle.

On one hand, with the revolution of technology, everything is in view of everyone.
Teenagers
may be
affected
for what they
see
.
In other words
, showing off their net worth and their fancy
life style
can
be understood
wrongly
by the youth they might
think
that happiness can
only
exist with money.
For instance
,
celebrities
promote for high stared hotels and shops,
teenagers
can feel upset when they cannot afford it.

On the other hand
, there are
some
celebrities
who can be a
positive
role model for young adults.
For instance
, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the highest-paid football players in the world
because
of his determination, talent, and
hard
work. In fact, he is
constantly
training and working in order to build his stamina and endurance, aiming to give his best on the field.
Therefore
, he is
extremely
inspirational for children and young adults as Cristiano
shows
that it is essential to fight for our dreams by being a hardworking and perseverant person.
Thus
,
some
celebrities
can be great role models for
today
’s society as they teach
people
pertinent lessons.

To sum up, young individuals can be
negatively
influenced by
celebrities
who
only
flaunt their riches and lust.
However
, in my opinion, there are
also
some
celebrities
who can teach us valuable life lessons by showing us their accomplishments in life.
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IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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