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Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be build in countryside v.2

Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be build in countryside v. 2
Undoubtedly, rising population become a major issue in many countries and they have need new homes for living. But, today the topic asserts that should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or countryside? I am strong advocate of this approach and now, I am going to examine some possible points with the following paragraph. First of all, if we see in metro cities in different countries, they are already highly populated. Constructing additional buildings will not only the dense the city area but also effects many other aspects of human life. Moreover, there are lack of resources to survive in the city like as; land, water and other basic useful things, which is major issue to increase the cost of living in suburbs. For instance, Mumbai is the highly congested city of India where the cost of land and other sustenances have touched the sky. Apart from that, more developments in left vacant places can reduce the open premises that can cause traffic congestion on roads and streets at a cost of aesthetic beauty of locations. At last, the environment of the cities is also getting polluted due to the increase in population and their activities. More the houses will turn the more pollution in cities. On the other hand, expansion towards the countryside can enforce government to develop more facilities like transportation, water supplies, entertainment and so on. Hence, the living standards of villagers can also be improved through the developments. Moreover, the environment of the countryside is clean and quiet which is beneficial for the personal and social health. Finally, spreading towards the undeveloped area can have economic prosperity for the country. Business and residentials can hire more cheap resources like land, labor, etc. in a rural area which in return will create more jobs for villagers apart from traditional occupations for the personal and economic growth of villages. To conclude, it is rightly said anything in excessive is dangerous. So rather overcrowding the cities, moving towards the countryside will be the best option for overall development.
Undoubtedly
, rising population become a major issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
they have need new homes for living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the topic asserts that should these new homes
be constructed
in existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
? I am strong advocate of this approach and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I am going to examine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible points with the following paragraph.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries, they are already
highly
populated. Constructing additional buildings will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the dense the city area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of human life.
Moreover
, there are lack of resources to survive in the city like as; land, water and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
basic useful things, which is major issue to increase the cost of living in suburbs.
For instance
, Mumbai is the
highly
congested city of India where the cost of land and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
sustenances
have touched the sky. Apart from that, more developments in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
vacant places can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the open premises that can cause traffic congestion on roads and streets at a cost of aesthetic beauty of locations. At last, the environment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is
also
getting polluted due to the increase in population and their activities. More the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
will turn the more pollution in cities.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, expansion towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
can enforce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to develop more facilities like transportation, water supplies, entertainment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Hence
, the living standards of villagers can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
through the developments.
Moreover
, the environment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
is clean and quiet which is beneficial for the personal and social health.
Finally
, spreading towards the undeveloped area can have economic prosperity for the country. Business and
Possible spelling mistake found.
residentials can
hire more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
resources like land, labor, etc. in a rural area which in return will create more jobs for villagers apart from traditional occupations for the personal and economic growth of villages.

To conclude
, it is
rightly
said anything in excessive is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
rather
overcrowding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, moving towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
will be the best option for
overall
development.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be build in countryside v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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