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Discuss when, if ever, capital punishment can be viewed as a valid punishment for crime. You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience to support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v.1

Discuss when, if ever, capital punishment can be viewed as a valid punishment for crime. You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience to support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v. 1
In recent years, we saw a dramatic increase in criminal activities. Many people believe that there should be a capital trial for the criminals who are involved in serious criminal activities. Others who are opposing are from NGOs who are working for human rights and take action as a violation of the same. In forthcoming paragraphs we will discuss more about the issue and how it will be tackled. As we saw a huge growth of unpardonable offences as more and more people dug into and to control a type of behaviour where people are not abiding law and order and doing activities which will damage social structure, in those cases I recommend for capital punishment to accuse if all the allegations are proved and he is involved in an activity like rape, anti national activities, terrorism, etc. In my opinion, the judicial system should be upgraded where they will be able to solve cases more practically by examining all the aspects, background check of accused and all the facts to come to a conclusion which will help them to decide what type of punishment should be given to accused. To support my statement, I would like to share an unforgettable event which happened in Mumbai, India in 2011. Four terrorists illegally entered into the country through sea route and visited famous places of a city which always flooded with people all the time. All four were going CST bus terminal, gateway of India, The Taj Hotel and Nariman Point. All were loaded with advance equipments, guns, grenades and other things. In mishap almost 200 people were dying and several foreign delegates, police and army personnel and common public were admitted due to injuries. In cross firing, three were killed and one arrested. Later, after verifying all the artefacts, monitoring of CCTV and confessions of accused proved that he is responsible for and he is given capital sanction. The name of the accused was 'Ajmal Kasab'. If we hear his name after 10 years of that event, we are able to picturise whole event in our mind how these 4 people killed hundreds of innocent brutally. Another example, which will work as a cement for my state, was some years ago, in Delhi, the capital of India, where a couple killed by four people and all 4 were proven guilty and rewarded with capital punishment for their actions. These people killed a man and throw him out of the bus and rape her girlfriend, they burned her and she died because of critical health because of torture. To core out whole in one, I would say it should be differ for each scenario and when someone is doing an act, they should hang out till death.
In recent years, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a dramatic increase in criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capital
trial for the criminals who
are involved
in serious criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Others who are opposing are from NGOs who are working for human rights and take action as a violation of the same. In forthcoming paragraphs we will discuss more about the issue and how it will
be tackled
.

As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a huge growth of unpardonable
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
as more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dug into and to control a type of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not abiding law and order and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which will damage social structure, in those cases I recommend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capital
punishment to accuse if all the allegations are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
proved and
he
is involved
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
like rape,
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
anti national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, terrorism, etc.

In my opinion, the judicial system should
be upgraded
where they will be able to solve cases more
practically
by examining all the aspects, background
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
of accused and all the facts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a conclusion which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to decide what type of punishment should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
Did you mean "to accuse"?
to accused
.

To support my statement, I would like to share an unforgettable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
which happened in Mumbai, India in 2011. Four terrorists
illegally
entered into the country through sea route and visited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
places of a city which always flooded with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all the time. All four were going CST bus terminal, gateway of India, The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Taj
Hotel and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nariman
Point. All
were loaded
with advance equipments, guns, grenades and other things. In mishap almost 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were dying and several foreign delegates, police and army personnel and common public
were admitted
due to injuries. In cross firing, three were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killed
and one arrested. Later, after verifying all the
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
, monitoring of CCTV and confessions of accused proved that he is responsible
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
for and
he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capital
sanction. The name of the accused was '
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ajmal
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kasab
'. If we hear his name after 10 years of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, we are able to
Possible spelling mistake. 'picturise' is British English.
picturise
whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in our mind how these 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killed
hundreds of innocent
brutally
.

Another example, which will work as a cement for my state, was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years ago, in Delhi, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capital
of India, where a couple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killed
by four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and all 4
were proven
guilty and rewarded with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capital
punishment for their actions. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
killed
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and throw him out of the bus and rape her girlfriend, they burned
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
her and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of critical health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of torture.

To core out whole in one, I would say it should be
Consider using the past participle "differed"?
differ
for each scenario and when someone is doing an act, they should hang out till death.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Discuss when, if ever, capital punishment can be viewed as a valid punishment for crime. You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience to support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
456 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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