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Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.5

Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. with this statement? v. 5
Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Financial independence is every individual's goal; in fact, it is essential for being financially prepared for all exigencies in life. Some people believe that students should be taught in school's how to survive financially in the world today, however, others disagree with the opinion. This essay gingerly delineates both the viewpoints in the following paragraphs. Children spend most of their waking up hours in school; it is here that they are taught and exposed to various subjects, skills and emotions and people. Including financial planning at an early age would not only make students more adept at surviving in today's world, but would also make them aware of the importance of saving money and planning. Even though financial knowledge is imparted to students, however, it is introduced at a very late stage and it does not teach students how to survive and plan. For example, if one has enrolled in a technical stream like engineering, subjects like finance are not taught at all. On the other hand, schools are primarily stepping stones for one to realize their potential; it is a place where a child is exposed to various things that helps them to build their creative and logical thinking. Moreover, school children are too young to understand money matters. Furthermore, exposure to money at a young age could also make children to think that earning money is the ultimate goal in life. In a nutshell, financial independence is irrefutably one's ultimate goal and since schools are the place where children spend most of their time; it seems to be the best place to begin with; this would help them to survive more efficiently in today's competing world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survive
financially
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. To what extent do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree with this statement?

Financial independence is every individual's goal; in fact, it is essential for being
financially
prepared for all exigencies in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be taught
in
Consider using the plural form here: "schools".
school's
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survive
financially
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
however
, others disagree with the opinion. This essay
gingerly
delineates both the viewpoints in the following paragraphs.

Children spend most of their waking up hours in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
; it is here that they
are taught
and exposed to various subjects,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and emotions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Including financial planning at an early age would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more adept at surviving in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware of the importance of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and planning.
Even though
financial knowledge
is imparted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
however
, it
is introduced
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
late stage and it does not teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survive
and plan.
For example
, if one has enrolled in a technical stream like engineering, subjects like finance are not taught at all.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
primarily
stepping stones for one to realize their potential; it is a place where a child
is exposed
to various things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to build their creative and logical thinking.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children are too young to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
matters.
Furthermore
, exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at a young age could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the ultimate goal in life.

In a nutshell, financial independence is
irrefutably
one's ultimate goal and since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the place where children spend most of their time; it seems to be the best place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with; this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survive
more
efficiently
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's competing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. with this statement? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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