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Nowadays all new town planning should include public parks, shopping malls and sport facilities. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Nowadays all new town planning should include public parks, shopping malls and sport facilities. v. 2
It is widely suggested that while constructing a modern city, several facilities like open park, recreation centres, entertainment malls should also be incorporated in the plan. I strongly agree with this point of view, as I believe parks and other facilities can improve our life by supporting a healthy lifestyle, while also encourages us to live socially. This essay will further support my views. First of all, modern townships are considered far advanced provides safe housing. When a township is equipped with facilities like open park and sports centre, it promotes its growth as well as helping the members to stay fit and follow a healthy lifestyle. For instance, a construction company based in Hyderabad has constructed a large township with such facilities encouraging their residents for both morning and evening walks and inspiring them in actively participating in sports as well. These facilities are commonly asked by several residents before acquiring a house. Furthermore, with these facilities it promotes social benefits as well. Nowadays with the increase in population travelling became less important and holding people back in their house spending time alone. When the new townships are constructed with shopping malls and other entertaining centres, it can attract residents in performing various social activities. For example, several towns around major cities has their own theatre, shopping centres and several gaming activities which greatly reduces the travel time and encourage residents to move socially. In conclusion, healthy lifestyle and socialised activities should be considered a major requirement while constructing modern townships. It also promotes the use of flexible towns and creates less congestion.
It is
widely
suggested that while constructing a modern city, several facilities like open park, recreation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, entertainment malls should
also
be incorporated
in the plan. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view, as I believe parks and other facilities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our life by supporting a healthy lifestyle, while
also
encourages us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
socially
. This essay will
further
support my views.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
townships
are considered
far advanced provides safe housing. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
township
is equipped
with facilities like open park and sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, it promotes its growth
as well
as helping the members to stay fit and follow a healthy lifestyle.
For instance
, a construction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
based in Hyderabad has constructed a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
township
with such facilities encouraging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
for both morning and evening walks and inspiring them in
actively
participating in sports 
as well
. These facilities are
commonly
asked by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
acquiring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

Furthermore
, with these facilities it promotes social benefits 
as well
. Nowadays with the increase in population travelling became less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and holding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
back in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
spending time alone. When the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
townships
are constructed
with shopping malls and other entertaining
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, it can attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
in performing various social activities.
For example
, several towns around major cities has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and several gaming activities which
greatly
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the travel time and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
socially
.

In conclusion
, healthy lifestyle and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialised' is British English.
socialised
activities should
be considered
a major requirement while constructing modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
townships
. It
also
promotes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of flexible towns and creates less congestion.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays all new town planning should include public parks, shopping malls and sport facilities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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