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Nowadays a lot of young people use social media. do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Nowadays a lot of young people use social media. do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In many parts of the world, the popularity of social media is blossoming among the young generation. I believe it to be extremely beneficial not only in terms of fast communication but also provide educational benefits. This essay will explore how these two mega-advantages have the potential to outshine any of the minor drawbacks. Social media brings forth a myriad of benefits for youngsters. Firstly, this new trend facilitates young people with an inexpensive mode of communication with friends and family who are living in far-flung areas. As many conventional means of connecting with people are much costlier as compared to social media, it gives the luxury to stay in touch at a very low cost. For example, a recent report published in the Daily times revealed that the average cost of internet package is three hundred and fifty dollars per year, while phone call charges are many-folds. Secondly, online socializing gives the opportunity of group study to those students who are unable to visit their friend’s home. Because in the time-deprived era, online groups and communities allow students to study at home along with their other mates without leaving home. For instance, in recent times, it is mandatory for a tertiary student to join a WhatsApp group that is made by a teacher so that they can share helpful study material. Admittedly, the only minor disadvantage that I can relate to this development is that young ones are always found glued to their smartphones since it irresistible for them to leave their phones. This burgeoning trend directly affects their academic careers, but this drawback is extremely rare and elusive and can be compensated if used for the right purpose with proper time management. To conclude, the benefits of social media especially in terms of convenient communication and facilitating the students in the study can easily eclipse any of the drawbacks of time wastage.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world, the popularity of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is blossoming among the young generation. I believe it to be
extremely
beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in terms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
communication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide educational benefits. This essay will explore how these two mega-advantages have the potential to outshine any of the minor drawbacks.

Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
brings forth a myriad of benefits for youngsters.
Firstly
, this new trend facilitates young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with an inexpensive mode of communication with friends and family who are living in far-flung areas. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conventional means of connecting with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are much costlier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, it gives the luxury to stay in touch at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low cost.
For example
, a recent report published in the Daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
revealed that the average cost of internet package is three hundred and fifty dollars per year, while phone call charges are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
-folds.

Secondly
, online socializing gives the opportunity of group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are unable to visit their friend’s home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
in the time-deprived era, online groups and communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at home along with their other mates without leaving home.
For instance
, in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, it is mandatory for a tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a WhatsApp group that
is made
by a teacher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can share helpful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
material.

Admittedly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
minor disadvantage that I can relate to this development is that young ones are always found glued to their smartphones since it irresistible for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their phones. This burgeoning trend
directly
affects their academic careers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this drawback is
extremely
rare and elusive and can
be compensated
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the right purpose with proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management.

To conclude
, the benefits of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
especially
in terms of convenient communication and facilitating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
can
easily
eclipse any of the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wastage.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Nowadays a lot of young people use social media. do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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