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Computer games are very popular in all ages and nationalities. Parents think it has little educational value and more harmful effects. What is your opinion about it? v.1

Computer games are very popular in all ages and nationalities. Parents think it has little educational value and more harmful effects. What is your opinion about it? v. 1
These days playing video games is very common amongst all age groups across the globe. Most parents believe that video games are having more negative effects. I agree with this notion and in below essay, i will explain why. The most important thing while interacting with any electronics gadget is its content. Most video games are based on fantasies, fiction, wars and violence. These games do not have any useful information to be transferred to the user. Some are based on simulation of sports, but they also cannot offer the feeling or challenges of real sports. Contrary to that, there are few options available which offer interactive learning, such as crossword and puzzles. These types of games can help in learning new words and improve vocabulary. A friendly multiplayer game of FIFA or wrestling between friends or sibling on a weekend can offer leisure time to enjoy. Moreover, playing video games in excess results in many damages to health. Viewing computer or mobile screens for long durations can can cause weak eyesight. There is no physical movement involved in playing video games, thus resulting in obesity, which can lead to may other diseases such as diabetes and hypertension. Usually school going children becomes addicted to playing games and do not focus properly on their studies. Mobile video games are a big distraction for adults at jobs and are deteriorating performance of many employees. In conclusion, excess of anything is bad. Video games if played sensibly for a limited time can be good source of entertainment. But unfortunately once you become addict to them, it becomes hard to stop. Therefore, parents must strictly limit time for their children to play video games.
These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common amongst all age groups across the globe. Most parents believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are having more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and in below essay,
Did you mean "I"?
i
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing while interacting with any electronics gadget is its content. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are based
on fantasies, fiction, wars and violence. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do not have any useful information to
be transferred
to the user.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are based
on simulation of sports,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
cannot offer the feeling or challenges of real sports. Contrary to that, there are few options available which offer interactive learning, such as crossword and puzzles. These types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in learning new words and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
vocabulary. A friendly multiplayer game of FIFA or wrestling between friends or sibling on a weekend can offer leisure time to enjoy.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in excess results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
damages to health. Viewing computer or mobile screens for long durations can can cause weak eyesight. There is no physical movement involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
thus
resulting in obesity, which can lead to
The month "May" needs to be capitalized.
may
other diseases such as diabetes and hypertension.
Usually
school going children becomes addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and do not focus
properly
on their studies. Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
distraction for adults at jobs and are deteriorating performance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees.

In conclusion
, excess of anything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
if played
sensibly
for a limited time can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately once you become addict to them, it becomes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
.
Therefore
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strictly
limit time for their children to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Computer games are very popular in all ages and nationalities. Parents think it has little educational value and more harmful effects. What is your opinion about it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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