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Many people prefer to communicate with their online friends than to socialize with people in their local communities. Do you think it has more advantages than disadvantages? v.1

Many people prefer to communicate with their online friends than to socialize with people in their local communities. Do you think it has more advantages than disadvantages? v. 1
Technology is growing at a great pace, where you can talk to anybody around the globe. In recent times, people are getting busy with their phones, chatting around with friends, being unaware of the things happening around them, but learning about things that are happening around the globe. Being connected with friends can be really helpful and fun. firstly, you are always in touch with the person who is not near you and still get to know about, what is happening in their life. For example, I was looking for a job, and while talking to my old roommate, I happen to know that there is an opening in his company. Secondly, staying in touch can halp you learn about different cultures, even after being far away from that country. To illustrate, I developed an understanding about people in the USA by talking to my friend over the years, who stays in the country. Staring at the screen always, and texting can be rude. Sometimes, instead of enjoying the company of people in the vicinity, you decide to chat rather than communicate with them, which leaves a bad impression of one's attitude and personality. For example, when you are sitting at a dinner table with the family, rather than talking about your day or life, you just keep using your phone, that is so insulting to the people. To conclude, communication is the key to success, be it on phone, laptop, or in person. Hence, One should communicate with everyone but should not ignore people, who they meet in-person over a lunch or dinner. There is enough time to talk over the call when there is nobody around.
Technology is growing at a great pace, where you can talk to anybody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the globe.

In recent times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting busy with their phones, chatting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
with friends, being unaware of the things happening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
learning about things that are happening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the globe.

Being connected
with friends can be
really
helpful and fun.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, you are always in touch with the person who is not near you and
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about, what is happening in their life.
For example
, I was looking for a job, and while talking to my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
roommate, I happen to know that there is an opening in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Secondly
, staying in touch can
Possible spelling mistake found.
halp
you learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures, even after being far away from that country. To illustrate, I developed an understanding about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the USA by talking to my friend over the years, who stays in the country.

Staring at the screen always, and texting can be rude.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
instead
of enjoying the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the vicinity, you decide to chat
rather
than communicate with them, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression of one's attitude and personality.
For example
, when you are sitting at a dinner table with the family,
rather
than talking about your day or life, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
using your phone,
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
insulting to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, communication is the key to success, be it on phone, laptop, or in person.
Hence
, One should communicate with everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in-person over a lunch or dinner. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to talk over the call when there is nobody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people prefer to communicate with their online friends than to socialize with people in their local communities. Do you think it has more advantages than disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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