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Now a days increasing overweight is a problem, some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module in all degree courses. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Now a days increasing overweight is a problem, some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module in all degree courses. v. 2
Modern lifestyle has come with some drawback like increasing obesity. It is assumed that universities should make sport an integral part of all the academic programmes. By making compulsory sport, we are developing a healthy lifestyle among the youngsters. I agree with this initiative to improve the health of the young generation. Now a day, it becomes fashion for kids to eat unhealthy food and not doing any kind of physical activities. Although they are social, but only on social networks, thus spending most of time on the internet and not visiting out to their peer groups and relatives. This leading to many health issues, especially overweight. Even young people prefer motor vehicles rather than bicycles. So in a order to connect students with physical exercise, it is better to make sport a compulsory module in all degree programmes. As people are switching to the modern lifestyle, even the youngsters are getting overweight and this obesity inviting other diseases like blood pressure and diabetes. According to the latest survey done by "Times of India", 70% overweight person are more prone to diabetes and blood pressure. As the university is an entry gate of work life, if someone adopts a good lifestyle here, it will be helpful throughout his life. And it is well said, a healthy mind lives in a healthy body, so all academic institutes should make the sports activities compulsory with all the courses. As health is wealth, it is the university's duty to indulge students in good lifestyle and avoid obesity, so in the long term people have a healthy life, for that I agree that sports should be made inevitable part of all academic degrees.
Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "drawbacks"?
drawback
like increasing obesity. It
is assumed
that universities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
an integral part of all the academic
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. By making compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, we are developing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
among the youngsters. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this initiative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health of the young generation.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day, it becomes fashion for kids to eat unhealthy food and not doing any kind of physical activities. Although they are social,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on social networks,
thus
spending
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
on the internet and not visiting out to their peer groups and relatives. This leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues,
especially
overweight. Even young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer motor vehicles
rather
than bicycles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
order to connect students with physical exercise, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
a compulsory module in all degree
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are switching to the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, even the youngsters are getting overweight and this obesity inviting other diseases like blood pressure and diabetes. According to the latest survey done by
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Times of India
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, 70% overweight person are more prone to diabetes and blood pressure. As the university is an entry gate of work life, if someone adopts a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
here, it will be helpful throughout his life. And it is well said, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
all academic institutes should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities compulsory with all the courses.

As health is wealth, it is the university's duty to indulge students in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and avoid obesity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the long term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life, for that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be made
inevitable part of all academic degrees.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Now a days increasing overweight is a problem, some people think universities should make sport a compulsory module in all degree courses. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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