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It is often considered that change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantages of change outweigh the disadvantages. v.1

It is often considered that change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantages of change outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1
It is frequently argued that alteration benefit individuals more than preventing it to happen. I firmly believe that the positive effects of change are greater than its drawback. This essay will discuss why general improvement and having new perspective in life is more advantageous than the period of acceptance. To begin with, change can make a person be a better version of himself. To improve one's attitude requires someone to change their habit. For example, laziness is a negative attribute of an individual but he can develop into being industrious by simply overcoming the resistance of this unwanted trait. Moreover, people can widen their horizon for personal growth by adapting changes to the direction of their lives. For instance, to migrate and change one's residence is a hard decision to make but a rewarding move afterwards because of the benefits of having more opportunities abroad. On the other hand, the time to adjust and adapt to such changes would take too long for others. They believe that not all changes are applicable to a situation and some may feel that it is one-sided idea. This especially true for those individuals who are used to doing it everyday, yet at an instant there came another rule to follow. To illustrate this, a new policy is announced for corporate workers to refrain from taking a leave for the rest of the year, so the tendency is they would resist not having that holiday break. To sum up, the benefits of having change far outweighs the downside of it due to proliferation and brand new vision for the former and the time of approval for the latter. Indeed, it can be said that change is a variable aspect that cannot be avoided and must be embraced on.
It is
frequently
argued that alteration benefit individuals more than preventing it to happen. I
firmly
believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
are greater than its drawback. This essay will discuss why general improvement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
new perspective in life is more advantageous than the period of acceptance.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person be a better version of himself. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one's attitude requires someone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their habit.
For example
, laziness is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attribute of an individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he can develop into being industrious by
simply
overcoming the resistance of this unwanted trait.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can widen their horizon for personal growth by adapting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
to the direction of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, to migrate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
one's residence is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a rewarding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
afterwards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more opportunities abroad.

On the other hand
, the time to adjust and adapt to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
would take too long for others. They believe that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are applicable to a situation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may feel that it is one-sided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. This
especially
true for those individuals who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to doing it
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
,
yet
at an instant there came another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to follow. To illustrate this, a new policy
is announced
for corporate workers to refrain from taking a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for the rest of the year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the tendency is they would resist not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
that holiday break.

To sum up, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
far outweighs the downside of it due to proliferation and
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
vision for the former and the time of approval for the latter.
Indeed
, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is a variable aspect that cannot
be avoided
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be embraced
on.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is often considered that change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantages of change outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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