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Newspaper will remain the main source of getting news in the and Internet will not have any effect. Do you agree of disagree with the given statement? Give resins for your answer and include relevant examples. v.1

Newspaper will remain the main source of getting news in the and Internet will not have any effect. Give resins for your answer and include relevant examples. v. 1
It is often argued that the high level of education is needed to live our life better. Some undergraduate students might stay with their parents whereas, others live themselves because universities are located in different cities. In my opinion, I personally think that the cons of living alone outweigh the pros. This essay will address the both views of self-staying. First of all, they might have some mental issues. When students live themselves, their isolated life might hurt them with the loneliness. For example, even though they can do whatever they want they would sometimes miss their family and then this problem might lead their mental disease such as depression. In other words, they cannot afford to concentrate their studying due to the unstable mentality. Moreover, they also would suffer the economic issues. They are not able to earn money because the obligation of student is studying which means they have the limited budget. For instance, when their parents send them money monthly, but it is not enough to spend because the monthly maintenance is quite expensive such as rent. Furthermore, students barely consume the money due to the shortage of budget, so their economic problems might affect their social life. On the other hand, hey are going to be mature. In spite of the fact that there are some disadvantages exist they would be strong from independent life. For example, they have to do everything themselves such as cooking when they need to be more mature. This phenomenon also has good effect for the student to be an adult. In conclusion, it is the good opportunity for student when it comes to living away from family. However, we need to encourage them to stay with their family for some personal issues. They are not complete to go to society yet, they need more time to be being a part of society
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the high level of education
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
our life better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
stay with their parents whereas, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
universities
are located
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities. In my opinion, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the cons of living alone outweigh the pros. This essay will address the both views of self-staying.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental issues. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
themselves, their isolated life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
hurt them with the loneliness.
For example
,
even though
they can do whatever they want they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
miss their family and then this problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead their mental disease such as depression.
In other words
, they cannot afford to concentrate their studying due to the unstable mentality.

Moreover
, they
also
would suffer the economic issues. They are not able to earn money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the obligation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is studying which means they have the limited budget.
For instance
, when their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them money monthly,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the monthly maintenance is quite expensive such as rent.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
barely
consume the money due to the shortage of budget,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their economic problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
affect their social life.

On the other hand
, hey are going to be mature.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages exist they would be strong from independent life.
For example
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do everything themselves such as cooking when they need to be more mature. This phenomenon
also
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effect for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to be an adult.

In conclusion
, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to living away from family.
However
, we need to encourage them to stay with their family for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal issues. They are not complete to go to society
yet
, they need more time to be being a part of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
society
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Newspaper will remain the main source of getting news in the and Internet will not have any effect. Give resins for your answer and include relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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