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In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? v.8

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? v. 8
In some part of the world, parents encourage their children to begin their study while they are toddlers, using a variety of books and chart to have their skills enhanced. Thereafter, they put their children directly into the recognized schooling. On the contrary, other countries prefer a system of home schooling or play school till the age of the child. Now, we are going to discuss, which approach needs to be followed and its positive impacts. As far as I am concerned, putting kid directly into the competitive world exclusive of understanding and skills can be a serious issue in growing up. Moreover, this Stagnant their learning skill if such approach is adopted for a child. We often see children get introvert and intimidated by their elders in their elders. The Question is arising why this idea is not very much preferred than later. Such system can be useful for some children, but it is not universal approach and cannot be applied to everyone. So, in my view, there is much opportunity for the toddlers if they get formal education through home schooling or playing schools. Many playing schools have been set up for toddlers for having developed their analytical and artful skill by the means of games, making models, building tree houses, swimming, play ball games and several other activities. For instance, a kid having a direct formal schooling has a less chance of growing as a stronger person than a kid engaged in informal schooling. The only reason is that formal schooling has a criteria and marking system, which distinguish a child from others and hierarchy of position always demoralise children. Hence, we can conclude, a system of homeschooling is the best preferable approach for the age group of 4 to 7 as it is beneficial both in personality development and updated analytical skills.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the world, parents encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their study while they are toddlers, using a variety of books and chart to have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
enhanced. Thereafter, they put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
directly
into the recognized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
.
On the contrary
, other countries prefer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
or play school till the age of the child.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, we are going to discuss, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
needs to
be followed
and its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts.

As far as I
am concerned
, putting kid
directly
into the competitive world exclusive of understanding and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can be a serious issue in growing up.
Moreover
, this

Stagnant their learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
is adopted
for a child. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
introvert and intimidated by their elders in their elders. The Question is arising why this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much preferred than later. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can be useful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
and cannot
be applied
to everyone.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my view, there is much opportunity for the toddlers if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
formal education through home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
or playing schools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
playing schools have
been set
up for toddlers for having developed their analytical and artful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
by the means of games, making models, building tree
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, swimming, play ball games and several other activities.
For instance
, a kid having a direct formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
has a less chance of growing as a stronger person than a kid engaged in informal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason is that formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
has a criteria and marking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, which distinguish a child from others and hierarchy of position always
Possible spelling mistake. 'demoralise' is British English.
demoralise
children.

Hence
, we can conclude, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of homeschooling is the best preferable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
for the age group of 4 to 7 as it is beneficial both in personality development and updated analytical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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