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Consumers are faced with increasing number pf advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think consumers are influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them? v.1

Consumers are faced with increasing number pf advertisements from competing companies. What measures can be taken to protect them? v. 1
Recently, we have experienced the proliferation of advertisements from companies in the fierce competition in the commercial market. This essay will outline adverse effects of this phenomenon on consumers and suggest some methods to mitigate them. There are some drawbacks customers have to be faced with when they are bombarded with a huge number of advertisements. The first disadvantage is that they are lured into purchasing necessary products. Consequently, if people make impulsive purchases, they may not only be in debt but also be prone to diseases such as cardiovascular disease or respiratory problems caused by those goods when they are discharged as trash. Other than that, unhealthy lifestyle, particularly the fast food culture in the modern society, can be attributed to the boom in advertisements. For example, advertisements of junk food that contains the high level of fat and sugar can be considered as a culprit behind excessive consumption of this kind of food, which causes the surge in the rate of obesity. People can implement some appropriate solutions for the sake of the protection from the impacts of advertisements. First of all, training programs which equip citizens with the necessary knowledge and skills to manage their personal finance and deter them from overbuying play an essential role. That is the reason why the government has to allocate their financial resources to run them. Moreover, the harsh law is more powerful than any tools; therefore, the authorities should impose stringent punishments on advertisements whose contents can deteriorate public health. All in all, the deterioration of public physical well-being and financial burdens may result from the situation in which advertisements gain increasing popularity. To tackle it, education and severe regulations are rational approaches.
Recently, we have experienced the proliferation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the fierce competition in the commercial market. This essay will outline adverse effects of this phenomenon on consumers and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods to mitigate them.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be faced
with when they
are bombarded
with a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. The
first
disadvantage is that they
are lured
into purchasing necessary products.
Consequently
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
impulsive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
, they may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be in debt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
be prone to diseases such as cardiovascular disease or respiratory problems caused by those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
when they
are discharged
as trash. Other than that, unhealthy lifestyle,
particularly
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food culture in the modern society, can
be attributed
to the boom in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of junk food that contains the high level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar can
be considered
as a culprit behind excessive consumption of this kind of food, which causes the surge in the rate of obesity.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
appropriate solutions for the sake of the protection from the impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, training programs which equip citizens with the necessary knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to manage their personal finance and deter them from overbuying play an essential role.
That is
the reason why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
allocate their financial resources to run them.
Moreover
, the harsh law is more powerful than any tools;
therefore
, the authorities should impose stringent punishments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
whose contents can deteriorate public health.

All in all, the deterioration of public physical well-being and financial burdens may result from the situation in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
gain increasing popularity. To tackle it, education and severe regulations are rational approaches.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Consumers are faced with increasing number pf advertisements from competing companies. What measures can be taken to protect them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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