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News media has become more influential in people’s lives. Other believe it is a negative development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

News media has become more influential in people’s lives. Other believe it is a negative development. v. 1
There is a debt about the superiority between talent and constant practice which records success in sport. In my opinion, I will say commitment to practice is the password to set record in sport. This is because development in the place of practice brings one into perfection. On one hand, it is believed that talent which is also called natural ability is a God giving asset to be prosperous in life. This is because, a talented sport man will always find playing his game as having fun. In addition, he loves what he does and will always entertain her fans. For example, the best player in the world by name Leo Messi is a talented footballer. On the other hand, greater number of people project that constant practice can make one excel in sport. This is because there is always a reward for hard work. Furthermore, when people say ‘practice makes perfect. ’ it means that commitment, consistency, dedication and diligence to practice are necessary. Moreover some people discover and develop great skills in the place of practice. I agree with opinion because one can be talented but if he does not develop it in the place of practice, there will be great skills he may not discover neither will he develop it. For example, African best footballer J. J Okocha is a typical example of a spot man who was determined to prosper in soccer. In conclusion, while people share their ideas on who is more successful between being talented and one who learn how to play football, in my opinion, practicing how to play football is very essential to be a great footballer because, no one can down play self-development, it fine tune people.
There is a debt about the superiority between talent and constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
which records success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. In my opinion, I will say commitment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
is the password to set record in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
development in the place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
brings one into perfection.

On one hand, it
is believed
that talent which is
also
called natural ability is a God giving asset to be prosperous in life. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
will always find playing his game as having fun.
In addition
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
what he does and will always entertain her fans.
For example
, the best player in the world by name Leo Messi is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
footballer.

On the other hand
, greater number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
project that constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one excel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is always a reward for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
‘practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
perfect. ’ it means that commitment, consistency, dedication and diligence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
are necessary.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discover and develop great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if he does not develop it in the place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practice
, there will be great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
he may
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
not discover neither
will he develop it.
For example
, African best footballer J. J
Possible spelling mistake found.
Okocha
is a typical example of a spot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who
was determined
to prosper in soccer.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
on who is more successful between being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
and one who learn how to play football, in my opinion, practicing how to play football is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to be a great footballer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, no one can down play self-development, it fine
Did you mean "tunes"?
tune
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay News media has become more influential in people’s lives. Other believe it is a negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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