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q2. If you could arrange to do the same work at home or at the office which would you prefer. v.1

q2. If you could arrange to do the same work at home or at the office which would you prefer. v. 1
Nowadays, film industry becomes ubiquitous around the world. People seek enjoyment and relaxation by observing electronic media. There are many kinds of film are badly affected people, especially teenagers. In my opinion, I believe that the government should provide the influence to control violent contents for audiences. On the one hand, excessive violence and sexual content in their movies have multiple impacts on human psychology. Firstly, children is normally difficult to distinguish what is right or wrong because of vulnerable and immature, therefore, they may imitate the behaviour from films or TV shows. Some young boys seek pleasure by copying this sort of crimes in real life being impressed by their heroes, thus causing harmful for the society. For example, in Viet Nam, many children kill their own parents because child engross in the virtue world think that their fathers or mothers will be revived after death. Secondly, a variety of adults who watch films which contain violent contents could be familiar with brutal actions. In many cases, they torture their own siblings due to addicting brutal fight scenes. On the other hand, governing body should supervise the amount of violence in films and on television and ban it for certain age such as children. If young people cannot access brutal websites, they will not have a chance to be influenced by bad behaviours and commit a crime. In addition, national leaders could impose strict punishments for criminals to warn others. This action could reduce the proportion of violent films, thus decreasing crime rates. In conclusion, violent films have a heavy toll on people and governments should have a policy to control it.
Nowadays, film industry becomes ubiquitous around the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
seek enjoyment and relaxation by observing electronic media. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of film are
badly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. In my opinion, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide the influence to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents for audiences.

On the one hand, excessive violence and sexual content in their movies have multiple impacts on human psychology.
Firstly
, children is
normally
difficult to distinguish what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of vulnerable and immature,
therefore
, they may imitate the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
from films or TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young boys seek pleasure by copying this sort of crimes in real life
being impressed
by their heroes,
thus
causing harmful for the society.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children kill their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
child engross in the virtue world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their fathers or mothers will
be revived
after death.
Secondly
, a variety of adults who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films which contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents could be familiar with brutal actions. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, they torture their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
siblings due to addicting brutal fight scenes.

On the other hand
, governing body should supervise the amount of violence in films and on television and ban it for certain age such as children. If young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot access brutal websites, they will not have a chance to
be influenced
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and commit a crime.
In addition
, national leaders could impose strict punishments for criminals to warn others. This action could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
films,
thus
decreasing crime rates.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
films have a heavy toll on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should have a policy to control it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay q2. If you could arrange to do the same work at home or at the office which would you prefer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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