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New technology have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

New technology have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Children's leisure acitvities have been changed by new technology. This is a positive development and its advantages overweigh the disadvantages, because it contributes to kids intelligence and health. New technology is benefitical to the development of the children's brain. Many new softwares are designed for babies, which perform in many different styles, such as games, activities' guidance. Parients would like to download them and show them to their sons or daughters in order to make their next generations more intelligent. For example, Onion Mathematics, an education application in China, shows mathematics in games, and pupils can play, match and rank on it, which boosts students mathematics skills effectively in their free time and more than three millions consumers using it now. In addition, it can facilitate children's health. Some people might argue that video games cause the significant negative effects on new generations' eye sights. However, the new technology are not only including traditional computer games. Many companies develop a series of new devices which motivate people to have more interests in sports. For instance, Nike often designs a lot of different new shoes which looks amazing and very comfortable for people's jogging, and those shoes can link with watches or mobile phones which make pupils who are not interested in sports feeling that sports are not boring and falling in love with running. In conclusion, new technology improves children's activities in their spare time. Its benefits overweigh disadvantages because it is helpful to pupils' intelligences developing and advantageous to kids health.
Children's
leisure
acitvities
have been
changed
by
new
technology
. This is a
positive
development and its advantages
overweigh
the disadvantages,
because
it contributes to
kids
intelligence and health.

New
technology
is
benefitical
to the development of the
children's
brain.
Many
new
softwares
are designed
for babies, which perform in
many
different
styles, such as
games
, activities' guidance.
Parients
would like to download them and
show
them to their sons or daughters in order to
make
their
next
generations more intelligent.
For example
, Onion Mathematics, an education application in China,
shows
mathematics in
games
, and pupils can play, match and rank on it, which boosts students mathematics
skills
effectively
in their free time and more than three millions consumers using it
now
.

In addition
, it can facilitate
children's
health.
Some
people
might argue that video
games
cause the significant
negative
effects on
new
generations'
eye sights
.
However
, the
new
technology
are not
only
including traditional computer
games
.
Many
companies
develop a series of
new
devices which motivate
people
to have more interests in sports.
For instance
, Nike
often
designs
a lot of
different
new
shoes which looks amazing and
very
comfortable for
people
's jogging, and those shoes can link with
watches
or mobile phones which
make
pupils who are not interested in sports feeling that sports are not boring and falling in
love
with running.

In conclusion
,
new
technology
improves
children's
activities in their spare time. Its benefits
overweigh
disadvantages
because
it is helpful to pupils' intelligences developing and advantageous to kids health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay New technology have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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