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Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.7

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. v. 7
There are some controversial notions about keeping on the same job, because it has been losing the concept of that in many countries. Although people insist that it is better to work for various organizations, some people still believe that it is a good way to work for the same company for their life because it can lead to them to be stable. However, I believed that we need to change a work place for our long lives for the following reasons. First of all, working at the same company can give stability and expertise to people in their work fields. For instance, in my case, I worked as an operating nurse for 10 years. It made me become more special and professional nurse in the operating field. In addition, I know everything about my hospital’s rules and facilities, so I can feel very comfortable and belonged to my hospital strongly. Like these, most of Korean really wants to belong to the government works and reliable companies because there is no doubt that they can live stable and earn a regular and good salary. Therefore, working at the same company helps people make stable and expected for their lives. On the other hand, I think that many people no longer pursue such a that life because they want to find an appropriate and full-filled work place, even if it could take a risk. There are some reports that most British would change their jobs, at least three times in their lives. It is true that people have been changed to improve the quality of their lives, so they really want to know what they want to do and have a lot of opportunities to work in different companies. Hence, I’ve asserted that although having work experiences in different organizations is a challenging, it can bring out a variety opportunity to figure out their ability and talent. In conclusion, some people think that working at the same place is more stable and special in their lives. However, I’ve believed that we need to develop our abilities by working another company and it can lead to promote overall our expectation and competent
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
controversial notions about keeping on the same job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has been losing the concept of that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for various organizations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
believe that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can lead to them to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
.
However
, I believed that we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place for our long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
for the following reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can give stability and expertise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
fields.
For instance
, in my case, I worked as an operating nurse for 10 years. It made me become more special and professional nurse in the operating field.
In addition
, I know everything about my hospital’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I can feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable and belonged to my hospital
strongly
. Like these, most of Korean
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to belong to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
works and reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no doubt that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
and earn a regular and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer pursue such a that life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to find an appropriate and full-filled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place, even if it could take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reports that most British would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their jobs, at least three times in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to know what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Hence
, I’ve asserted that although having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organizations is a challenging, it can bring out a variety opportunity to figure out their ability and talent.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at the same place is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stable
and special in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
However
, I’ve believed that we need to develop our abilities by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and it can lead to promote
overall
our expectation and competent
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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