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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v.9

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 9
Due to the globalisation competition is increasing day by day so many pupils are facing many problems of academic social as well as financial factors. In this essay I shall discuss the main causes of this problem and try to suggest some possible solutions. There are many causes that lead to this topic. The main reason is competition for instance, in the present scenario most of companies hired a qualified staff so the children take tension of that thing even their parents also wants their children have success in their schooling and get good marks for getting better job opportunities in future therefore they face my pressure from their parents as well as school. Moreover, there are some social and commercial pressures also present like socially, the children of today are in a huge dilemma. They want to adopt the global culture, whereas their parents force them to confine themselves to the traditions. This sometimes makes them rebel against the rules laid by their elders. The solutions are not simple. Children have to be handled with great care. Parents should have realistic expectations from their children. They should motivate to their children to take part in other activities instead of study for reducing their stress. Even through participating in different activities they are to be mentally and physically fit. Furthermore the second solution is in schools completion and co-operation should both be taught simultaneously. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the children of today are facing so many pressures, but if above measures should be taken into consideration then these problems are easily tackled.
Due to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
competition is increasing day by day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems of academic social
as well
as financial factors. In this essay I shall discuss the main causes of this problem and try to suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes that lead to this topic. The main reason is competition
for instance
, in the present scenario most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hired a qualified staff
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take tension of that thing even their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
wants their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have success in their schooling and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks for getting better job opportunities in future
therefore
they face my pressure from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
as school.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social and commercial pressures
also
present like
socially
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are in a huge dilemma. They want to adopt the global culture, whereas their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
force them to confine themselves to the traditions. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them rebel against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
laid by their elders. The solutions are not simple.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be handled
with great care.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should have realistic expectations from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They should motivate to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in other activities
instead
of study for reducing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Even through participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities they are to be mentally and
physically
fit.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
the second solution is in schools completion and co-operation should both
be taught
simultaneously
.
In conclusion
, there is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pressures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if above measures should
be taken
into consideration then these problems are
easily
tackled.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? v. 9

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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