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New technologies provided machines which replaced workers to do certain physical jobs and tasks. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

New technologies provided machines which replaced workers to do certain physical jobs and tasks. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
With the advancement of technology, the gadgets and instruments have taken over most of the field jobs. Although this revolution has various drawbacks like unemployment and effects on health due to lesser activities, yet it has many benefits which outweigh them. On the one hand, this technological advancement has many disadvantages. Firstly, machines have replaced workers in many manual jobs, due to which the people involved in these tasks have become unemployed. As a result, the overall employment rate has reduced because of these instruments. For instance, the number of opportunities in factories has been reduced to one fourth after installation of machines. Secondly, as most of the jobs, which were done by the humans previously, have become automatic and the physical activities of these people have been reduced, due to which various health issues like obesity has increased between them. On the other hand, these gadgets have made our life easier in many ways. Various tasks who put human life at risk can be done by these machines very easily, for example, coal mining can be done these days with new instruments which previously were done manually and resulted in the loss of many workers' lives. Moreover, the productivity has been increased tremendously with these machines as these are capable of giving a larger number of outputs without failing as compared to manual production. Lastly, machines have made our life easier in many ways. From trivial tasks like remotes and coffee machine to complicated tasks like automatic washing machines, these have facilitated us in every field. In conclusion, however, using machines instead of people for production has some drawbacks, but the benefits it offers overcome them.
With the advancement of technology, the gadgets and instruments have taken over most of the field jobs. Although this revolution has various drawbacks like unemployment and effects on health due to lesser activities,
yet
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits which outweigh them.

On the one hand, this technological advancement has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have replaced workers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
manual jobs, due to which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
involved in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
have become unemployed.
As a result
, the
overall
employment rate has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these instruments.
For instance
, the number of opportunities in factories has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to one fourth after installation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
Secondly
, as most of the jobs, which
were done
by the humans previously, have become automatic and the physical activities of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, due to which various health issues like obesity has increased between them.

On the other hand
, these gadgets have made our life easier in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. Various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
who put human life at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
can
be done
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
,
for example
, coal mining can
be done
these days with new instruments which previously
were done
manually
and resulted in the loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, the productivity has
been increased
tremendously
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
as these are capable of giving a larger number of outputs without failing as compared to manual production.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have made our life easier in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. From trivial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
like remotes and coffee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
to complicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
like automatic washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, these have facilitated us in every field.

In conclusion
,
however
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for production has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits it offers overcome them.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay New technologies provided machines which replaced workers to do certain physical jobs and tasks. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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