Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

New technologies have changed the way children their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v.1

New technologies have changed the way children their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v. 1
The issue of introducing new technology is one that has been debated increasingly over the past few years. At this point, some claim that the new technology is advantageous and gives various and interesting experiences for children compared to the past while there are others who are negative. This essay will now examine both sides of the argument and end at a personal approach. New technologies offer great advantages. To be precise, children are able to enjoy new technology through devices and games. For example, watching videos, playing games and using a smart phone. Due to that, most children spend their time indoors rather than outdoors and it holds that in between them. So, although they do not meet each other, they can play and have fun online. Moreover, they can make friends through it. Next, new technology can save the aspect of cost. other activities or enjoying free time outside can accrue costs. Also, new technology can replace other activities. For instance, VR is an imaginary experience. So, it is useful because they don’t need go out and buy anything. They can do all of the things just by only watching and moving through the VR. However, we should not overlook drawbacks as well. Firstly, they can lose time with their parents. Children are fascinated by more developed technologies. Therefore, they may think more narrowly about their free time, and they might just prefer only electronic devices. Finally, they will be able to dangerous spending their free time only using the devices. Second they might be fat. Because when they are spending just inside their free time, they have not move and less activity. Therefore, they will be fat too easy. To conclude, there are both advantages and disadvantages of this issue. However, from my perspective, continually developing technologies can have both in equal measure.
The issue of introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is one that has
been debated
increasingly
over the past few years. At this point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is advantageous and gives various and interesting experiences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
compared to the past while there are others who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
examine both sides of the argument and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
at a personal approach.

New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
offer great advantages. To be precise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
through devices and games.
For example
, watching videos, playing games and using a smart phone. Due to that, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
indoors
rather
than outdoors and it holds that in between them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, although they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, they can play and have fun online.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends through it.
Next
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can save the aspect of cost.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
other
activities or enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside can accrue costs.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities.
For instance
, VR is an imaginary experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don’t need
Did you mean "to go"?
go
out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything. They can do
Consider using "all the".
all of the
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
watching and moving through the VR.

However
, we should not overlook drawbacks
as well
.
Firstly
, they can lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their parents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are fascinated
by more developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
Therefore
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more
narrowly
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and they might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
prefer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
electronic devices.
Finally
, they will be able to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
using the devices. Second they might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when they are spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
inside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they have not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "moved".
move
and less activity.
Therefore
, they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
too easy.

To conclude
, there are both advantages and disadvantages of this issue.
However
, from my perspective,
continually
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
can have both in equal measure.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay New technologies have changed the way children their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts