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Topic: New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages v.1

Topic: New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages v. 1
Technology becomes essentials in our life as it invades every house and workplace. Computers, iPads, smart phones, etc. Became popular and mandatory in our daily life routine, across all ages. They have many implications in our life, mainly in our Children, as they become attracted and addicted. They prefer spending most of their time on computers and video games which, as confirmed by studies, has bright side and drawbacks as well. Children have become attached to technology. Some, but not limited to, the advantage of that is they have become expert in most recent electronic devices. They can get any information needed, do their homework and school projects by themselves. There are plenty of programs, applications and online games which became the most popular tool for entertainment. Some of them are really useful and valuable as it develops the kids knowledge and skills if the appropriate programs or application is being used. As such, technology represents an open gate for learning and efficient tool for entertainment. On the other hand, technology has drawbacks for the users in general and on children in particular. Spending more time on using computers might lead to addiction. Kids became attached to their devices and cannot enjoy the free time without them. In addition, kids who are spending their free time on computers become socially isolated. That affects their quality Family time, relationship with friends in a negative way. These are some of the disadvantages of technology on our children which have been higlighted and concluded from many studies and researches. To conclude, technology is double-edged sword as it has pros and cons toward our kids. Although the bright side of the technolgy is well distiguished, it should be used in an appropriate manner under the superviosion of the parents or some adult in the family. This can help in limiting the damage that can occur as a consequence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
essentials in our life as it invades every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and workplace. Computers, iPads, smart phones, etc. Became popular and mandatory in our daily life routine, across all ages. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
implications in our life,
mainly
in our Children, as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
attracted and addicted. They prefer spending most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computers and video games which, as confirmed by studies, has bright side and drawbacks
as well
.

Children have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
attached to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not limited to, the advantage of
that is
they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
expert in most recent electronic devices. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any information needed, do their homework and school projects by themselves. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of programs, applications and online games which became the most popular tool for entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are
really
useful and valuable as it develops the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
if the appropriate programs or application is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. As such,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
represents an open gate for learning and efficient tool for entertainment.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has drawbacks for the users
in general
and on children
in particular
. Spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on using computers might lead to addiction.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
became attached to their devices and cannot enjoy the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
without them.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who are spending their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
socially
isolated. That affects their quality Family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, relationship with friends in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way. These are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on our children which have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
higlighted
and concluded from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies and researches.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is double-edged sword as it has pros and cons toward our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. Although the bright side of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
technolgy
is well
Possible spelling mistake found.
distiguished
, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Consider replacing "in an appropriate manner" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate manner
under the
Possible spelling mistake found.
superviosion
of the parents or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adult in the family. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in limiting the damage that can occur as a consequence.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Topic: New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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