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New technologies have changed the way children spendtheir free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

New technologies have changed the way children spendtheir free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
It is true that many children now spend much of their spare time playing with the latest technological devices. Despite some obvious disadvantages of this trend, I believe that these are outweighed by the advantages. On the one hand, there are two major drawbacks when children devote much of their free time to playing electronic games or using the Internet. Firstly, exercise is necessary for the physical development of children, so playing games in the street or in the park with their friends is anintegral part of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Secondly, spending too much time on their computers or mobile phones may lead to health problems for some youngsters. If they keep theireyes glued to screens for hours on end, they may suffer from eye-strain. Waves from hi- fidevices also tend to cause headaches if used for too long. On the other hand, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages. One reason for this view is that new technologies encourage children to use their free time to broadentheir knowledge, which is possible in fun ways through interactive software. My young nephew, for example, spends hours on the Internet learning about dinosaurs. Another reason is that the Internet gives youngsters countless opportunities to discover friends with the same interests in any part of the world, using chat rooms and social networks such as Facebook. Consequently, new technologies both promote the habit of self-study and encourage young people to develop a wide circle of virtual friends. In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of this modern trend are more significant than the disadvantages.
It is true that
many
children
now
spend much of their spare
time
playing with the

latest
technological devices. Despite
some
obvious disadvantages of this trend,
I


believe
that these
are outweighed
by the advantages.

On the one hand, there are two major drawbacks when children devote much of

their
free
time
to playing electronic games or using the Internet.
Firstly
, exercise is

necessary for the physical development of children,
so
playing games in the street

or in the park with their friends is
anintegral
part of maintaining a healthy

lifestyle
.
Secondly
, spending too much
time
on their computers or mobile phones

may
lead to health problems for
some
youngsters. If they
keep
theireyes
glued
to


screens
for hours on
end
, they may suffer from eye-strain. Waves from hi-

fidevices
also
tend to cause headaches if
used
for too long.

On the other hand
, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such

disadvantages
. One reason for this view is that new technologies
encourage


children to
use
their free
time
to
broadentheir
knowledge, which is possible in

fun
ways through interactive software. My young nephew,
for example
,
spends


hours
on the Internet learning about dinosaurs. Another reason is that the
Internet


gives youngsters countless opportunities to discover friends with the same

interests in any part of the world, using chat rooms and social networks such as

Facebook.
Consequently
, new technologies both promote the habit of self-study

and
encourage young
people
to develop a wide circle of virtual friends.

In conclusion
, I would argue that the advantages of this modern trend are more

significant
than the disadvantages.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes

IELTS essay New technologies have changed the way children spendtheir free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
22 paragraphs
267 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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