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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. v.7

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. v. 7
Nowadays, the way children expend their free time has been changed by the appearance of new technologies. While several people accept that there are some benefits of this decision, others think that it has some harmful. On the one hand, there are several drawbacks for children who use new technologies. The main shortcoming is that children can become technology addicts. It is an apparent fact that over-dependence on technology makes children immersed in the virtual world. The most example of this is using smart phones. Children will waste time on playing games or watching movies, which leads to a lack of real-life experience. Another disadvantage is that using cell phones too much makes children suffer from health problems, including nearsightedness and headache. This stems from the contact of eyes with the blue light of mobile phones. On the other hand, it seems to some people that children should use new technologies in their free time because of some undeniable benefits. Firstly, children could be exposed to various cultures and lifestyles in the world by surfing the internet. This makes it easier for them to broaden their knowledge and horizon. As a result, children can adapt better to different situations in the future life. Another advantage could be that applying new technologies in education provides children with opportunities to learn online courses. It is necessary for stupid children to keep up with their peers. Consequently, they can improve knowledge and higher academic results. In conclusion, there are many plus points for children use new technologies, although this decision has some notable downsides.
Nowadays, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
expend their free time has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by the appearance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. While several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
accept that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of this decision, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful.

On the one hand, there are several drawbacks for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. The main shortcoming is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
addicts. It is an apparent fact that over-dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
immersed in the virtual world. The most example of this is using smart phones.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will waste time on playing games or watching movies, which leads to a lack of real-life experience. Another disadvantage is that using cell phones too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer from health problems, including nearsightedness and headache. This stems from the contact of eyes with the blue light of mobile phones.

On the other hand
, it seems to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in their free time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undeniable benefits.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
be exposed
to various cultures and lifestyles in the world by surfing the internet. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for them to broaden their knowledge and horizon.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can adapt better to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations in the future life. Another advantage could be that applying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in education provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with opportunities to learn online courses. It is necessary for stupid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with their peers.
Consequently
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
knowledge and higher academic results.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
plus points for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
, although this decision has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notable downsides.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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