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Alcohol abuse is becoming more and more common in many countries. What are some of the problems associated with alcohol abuse, and what are some of the possible solutions? v.1

Alcohol abuse is becoming more and more common in many countries. What are some of the problems associated with alcohol abuse, and what are some of the possible solutions? v. 1
Alcohol abuse is becoming increasingly widespread in a lot of nations. Because of this, several problems such as liquor addiction and loss of lives are on the rise. However, in order to curb these problems, the government should inflate the tax on booze drinks and the media should collaborate with mental health institutions to broadcast the dangers of alcoholism. To begin with, alcoholism has several negative effects on people who consume it, one of which is a dependency. Alcohol dependency causes an individual to lose self-control over the quantity intake and might lead to addiction. For instance, addicted individuals tend to spend all their income on liquor and at the same time deteriorating their mental well-being. In addition, another negative effect alcoholism has is the ability to take lives. People have lost their lives through illnesses related to excessive ethanol intake and accidents have occurred due to drunk driving. For example, the Nephrology association recorded 34% deaths due to alcoholism, which caused liver and kidney damage. To avert these problems,  the media should partner with mental health institutions and activist to ensure the public is well informed about the dangers excessive booze consumption can cause to the body and measures to take if anyone is experiencing alcohol dependency. Furthermore, the government should inflate the tax on alcohol drinks so as to discourage people from buying. The tax levied on booze drinks will make the prices go higher that a common man won't be able to purchase or abuse liquor. In conclusion, too much intake of alcohol causes a lot of negative effects such as addiction and loss of lives. To curb these problems the government should intervene and the media should work hand in hand with mental health institutions to ensure the problem is fixed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Alcohol
abuse is becoming
increasingly
widespread in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
nations.
Because of this
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as liquor addiction and loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are on the rise.
However
, in order to curb these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should inflate the tax on booze drinks and the media should collaborate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health institutions to broadcast the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of alcoholism.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, alcoholism has several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who consume it, one of which is a dependency.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Alcohol
dependency causes an individual to lose self-control over the quantity intake and might lead to addiction.
For instance
, addicted individuals tend to spend all their income on liquor and at the same time deteriorating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
well-being.
In addition
, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect alcoholism has is the ability to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
through illnesses related to excessive ethanol intake and accidents have occurred due to drunk driving.
For example
, the Nephrology association recorded 34% deaths due to alcoholism, which caused liver and kidney damage.

To avert these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the media should partner with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health institutions and activist to ensure the public is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
excessive booze consumption can cause to the body and measures to take if anyone is experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
dependency.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should inflate the tax on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
drinks
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
discourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from buying. The tax levied on booze drinks will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the prices go higher that a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
won't be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
or abuse liquor.

In conclusion
, too much intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects such as addiction and loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. To curb these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should intervene and the media should work hand in hand with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health institutions to ensure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Alcohol abuse is becoming more and more common in many countries. What are some of the problems associated with alcohol abuse, and what are some of the possible solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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