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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.10

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 10
Children, nowadays, tend to devote their spare time to use technological devices rather than enjoy other activities. Although this trend has negative impacts, I believe that the advantages of this change are more than outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, perhaps playing electric games and using the Internet are two main reasons lead children to become technological addicts. Firstly, exercise is essential for the physical development of children. Thus, taking part in outdoor activities with friends and parents is an integral part of maintaining their lifestyle. Secondly, those who use smartphone or computers usually keep their eyes glued to screens in a very concentrated way for a long time. They may suffer from eye-strain. Furthermore, waves from hi-fi devices also tend to cause headaches if used for too long. On the other hand, I believe that technologies provide to youngsters more benefits than such disadvantages. One of the reasons is that the Internet contains the majority of sources of information so that is a vast benefit for children can learn online from self-study materials. For instance, besides learning English in school, pupils can improve their English skills at home by studying from English forums such as tienganh123. com or hellochao. com. Another reason is that they have countless opportunities to broaden their knowledge and communicate with friends in many parts of the world. Facebook, for example, is a social network which has a wide circle of virtual friends that youngsters can access and discover many friends. In conclusion, despite obvious disadvantages about this trend, I would argue that these are more outweighed by the benefits.
Children
, nowadays, tend to devote their spare time to
use
technological devices
rather
than enjoy other activities. Although this trend has
negative
impacts, I believe that the advantages of this
change
are more than outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, perhaps playing electric games and using the Internet are two main reasons lead
children
to become technological addicts.
Firstly
, exercise is essential for the physical development of
children
.
Thus
, taking part in outdoor activities with friends and parents is an integral part of maintaining their lifestyle.
Secondly
, those who
use
smartphone or computers
usually
keep
their eyes glued to screens in a
very
concentrated way for a long time. They may suffer from eye-strain.
Furthermore
, waves from hi-fi devices
also
tend to cause headaches if
used
for too long.

On the other hand
, I believe that technologies provide to youngsters more benefits than such disadvantages. One of the reasons is that the Internet contains the majority of sources of information
so
that is
a vast benefit for
children
can learn online from self-study materials.
For instance
,
besides
learning English in school, pupils can
improve
their English
skills
at home by studying from English forums such as tienganh123.
com
or
hellochao
.
com
. Another reason is that they have countless opportunities to broaden their knowledge and communicate with friends in
many
parts of the world. Facebook,
for example
, is a social network which has a wide circle of virtual friends that youngsters can access and discover
many
friends.

In conclusion
, despite obvious disadvantages about this trend, I would argue that these are more outweighed by the benefits.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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