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New parents should attend a parenting course to learn how to bring up their children well. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

New parents should attend a parenting course to learn how to bring up their children well. v. 1
It is true that youngsters tend to spend their free time to shop various items. I think fashion and clothing plays a significant role in their lives, but at the same time they should be motivated to participate in other activities instead of shopping. To begin with teenagers are always conscious about their appearance and there are several reasons to explain why this is happening. Firstly, social media influences their mindset to a very high extent making them believe that they ought to look picture perfect all the time. In the other words, the number of comments and likes on their style sense gives them an immense amount of confidence. Consequently, they are ready to spend more of their time and energy on shopping. Secondly, the television adverts makes them believe that they might be missing out on latest trending clothes and shoes, if they would not buy them on a regular basis. As a result, they invest their spare time in the malls purchasing new stuff. It is possible, however, to take steps to motivate them to engage in other activities such as sports and volunteering at non- profit organisations. The young minds are very easy to mould, and parents and guardians should ensure that they encourage their children to learn some sports. Not only will it keep them fit and healthy, but also make them competitive and confident in a true sense. In addition, making them involved in volunteer services and teaching them to do their bit for the society they live in, would definitely help them to grow as a responsible citizen. In conclusion, while it has become a trend among younger generation to shop a lot because of self- consciousnesses, this behaviour could still be rectified by encouraging them to do other tasks such as sports and volunteer jobs
It is true that youngsters tend to spend their free
time
to shop various items. I
think
fashion and clothing plays a significant role in their
lives
,
but
at the same
time
they should
be motivated
to participate in
other
activities
instead
of shopping.

To
begin
with
teenagers
are always conscious about their appearance and there are several reasons to
explain
why this is happening.
Firstly
, social media influences their mindset to a
very
high extent making them believe that they ought to look picture perfect all the
time
. In the
other
words, the number of comments and likes on their style sense gives them an immense amount of confidence.
Consequently
, they are ready to spend more of their
time
and energy on shopping.
Secondly
, the television adverts
makes
them believe that they might be missing out on latest trending clothes and shoes, if they would not
buy
them on a regular basis.
As a result
, they invest their spare
time
in the malls purchasing new stuff.

It is possible,
however
, to take steps to motivate them to engage in
other
activities such as sports and volunteering at non- profit
organisations
. The young minds are
very
easy to
mould
, and parents and guardians should ensure that they encourage their children to learn
some
sports. Not
only
will it
keep
them fit and healthy,
but
also
make
them competitive and confident in a true sense.
In addition
, making them involved in volunteer services and teaching them to do their bit for the society they
live
in, would definitely
help
them to grow as a responsible citizen.

In conclusion
, while it has become a trend among younger generation to shop a lot
because
of self- consciousnesses, this
behaviour
could
still
be rectified
by encouraging them to do
other
tasks such as sports and volunteer jobs
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay New parents should attend a parenting course to learn how to bring up their children well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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