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Narrator Listen to a conversation between two students. Man Hey, Marnie. What's wrong? Woman Oh. . . I'm just struggling about what to do. . . I won an award from the Creative Writing Institute for a story I wrote, and. . . Man That doesn&a v.1

Narrator Listen to a conversation between two students. Man Hey, Marnie. What's wrong? Woman Oh. . . I'm just struggling about what to do. . . I won an award from the Creative Writing Institute for a story I wrote, and. . . Man That doesn&a v. 1
The internet has brought about many changes into our day to day life. In recent decades the rapid advance of the technology has made the communication between people much easier and faster. In my opinion, I consider this phenomenon has brought many benefits to the field of communication compared to any other problem it might bring. Despite the drawbacks mentioned below, I believe the benefits gained by extremely useful to enhance collaboration. Firstly, people can now contact their friends, family and colleagues faster and more efficiently than in the past. Most people have internet connection on their mobile or computer and as a result, they can always stay connected with their near and dear ones. For example, social networking applications like WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter allow people to chat and share videos and other important information. Secondly, through facilities like video conferencing and webinars people from different parts of the world can now participate in online conferences which eliminate the need to travel to other countries and cities for attending such programmes. Admittedly, there are some issues involved when tourists visit the country. One problem is that a great deal of offensive and obscene content is available on the web and children have easy access to them. Many antisocial elements and terrorist groups like ISIS recruit youngsters through the internet. Another negative aspect is that Internet addiction, many people are now addicted to the internet and wasting their time which can affect their career and relationships. In conclusion, the internet has greatly benefited people in different ways. Although it has some negative aspects it can be handled efficiently by implementing proper laws and regulations and through parental supervision.
The internet has brought about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
into our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life. In recent decades the rapid advance of the technology has made the communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
much easier and faster. In my opinion, I consider this phenomenon has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to the field of communication compared to any other problem it might bring.

Despite the drawbacks mentioned below, I believe the benefits gained by
extremely
useful to enhance collaboration.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
contact their friends, family and colleagues faster and more
efficiently
than in the past. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have internet connection on their mobile or computer and
as a result
, they can always stay connected with their near and dear ones.
For example
, social networking applications like WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to chat and share videos and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information.
Secondly
, through facilities like video conferencing and webinars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
participate in online conferences which eliminate the need to travel to other countries and cities for attending such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues involved when tourists visit the country. One problem is that a great deal of offensive and obscene content is available on the web and children have easy access to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
antisocial elements and terrorist groups like ISIS recruit youngsters through the internet. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect is that Internet addiction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
addicted to the internet and wasting their time which can affect their career and relationships.

In conclusion
, the internet has
greatly
benefited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways. Although it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects it can
be handled
efficiently
by implementing proper laws and regulations and through parental supervision.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Narrator Listen to a conversation between two students. Man Hey, Marnie. What's wrong? Woman Oh. . . I'm just struggling about what to do. . . I won an award from the Creative Writing Institute for a story I wrote, and. . . Man That doesn&a v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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