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Each year, your company gives an Employee of the Year award to a worker who has performed exceptionally well. You believe that someone with whom you work should receive the award this year. v.1

Each year, your company gives an Employee of the Year award to a worker who has performed exceptionally well. You believe that someone with whom you work should receive the award this year. v. 1
People's views differ as museums should be concerned as places for citizens and tourists to have a blast or for individuals to discover more about the culture or history of localities. While educating the civilizations through museums is crucial, I stand by the idea that museums' should be a source of entertainment. On the one hand, it can be argued that one of the reasons museums are needed for educational purposes is that they can work as live presentations. As various subjects at school related to History and Art have been read by many students but not every person is capable of remembering such long theoretical texts. By visiting such practical places, students are able to acknowledge the aspect of that subject more explicitly. Besides, not only museums support students' knowledge, but they also teach visitors something that they did not previously know as they exhibit collections of interesting objects that hold significant cultural or historical values. It means that the history behind the museums' exhibits needs to be explained by professional guides talking to their visitors or offering headsets to visitors so that they can listen to detailed commentary about the exhibition. On the other hand, I would argue that museums should be entertaining and more attractive to the public. Museums are widely considered as important tourist attractions for any city or country. However, there’s a common belief that they are too elitist, uninspiring and only encourage educated people to visit. By adding more entertainment values, museums can appeal to a broader audience. Nowadays there is also a wide range of museums which do not have academic purpose; but more light-hearted and humorous theme; for example; chocolate museum in Belgium, kimchi museum in South Korea, museum of Broken Relationships in Croatia or cheese museum in The Netherlands. In conclusion, it is a matter of debate that what should be the purpose of museums. While museums can be used for providing knowledge, I believe that it' should be entertaining to increase the influence on the public.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's views differ as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should
be concerned
as places for citizens and tourists to have a blast or for individuals to discover more about the culture or history of localities. While educating the civilizations through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is crucial, I stand by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that museums' should be a source of entertainment.

On the one hand, it can
be argued
that one of the reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are needed
for educational purposes is that they can work as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
presentations. As various subjects at school related to History and Art have
been read
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not every person is capable of remembering such long theoretical texts. By visiting such practical places, students are able to acknowledge the aspect of that subject more
explicitly
.
Besides
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
support students' knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
teach visitors something that they did not previously know as they exhibit collections of interesting objects that hold significant cultural or historical values. It means that the history behind the museums' exhibits needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by professional guides talking to their visitors or offering headsets to visitors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can listen to detailed commentary about the exhibition.

On the other hand
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be entertaining and more attractive to the public.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are
widely
considered as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tourist attractions for any city or country.
However
, there’s a common belief that they are too elitist, uninspiring and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourage educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to visit. By adding more entertainment values,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can appeal to a broader audience. Nowadays there is
also
a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
which do not have academic purpose;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more light-hearted and humorous theme;
for example
; chocolate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in Belgium, kimchi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in South Korea,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
of Broken Relationships in Croatia or cheese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in The Netherlands.

In conclusion
, it is a matter of debate that what should be the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for providing knowledge, I believe that it' should be entertaining to increase the influence on the public.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Each year, your company gives an Employee of the Year award to a worker who has performed exceptionally well. You believe that someone with whom you work should receive the award this year. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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