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Many people have learned a foreign language in their own country; others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken. Which is better? Give the advantages of each and support your viewpoint. v.1

Many people have learned a foreign language in their own country; others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken. Which is better? Give the advantages of each and support your viewpoint. v. 1
Some people purport that individuals are useless in the improvement of our immediate surroundings. However, significant positive impact can be made my the authorities and gigantic firms. I tend to disagree with the view that people do not have key roles in sustaining the environment. For a variety of reasons, the government and firms have key roles in protecting and sustaining our environment. Firstly, the administration of the state enacts public laws which protect the atmosphere as well as curbing of unwanted emission of pollutants by industries. As a result, the citizenry inhaled healthy air. For instance, in Singapore, during the industrial age, there was a memo on oil companies to restrict gas flaring into the atmosphere. This act reduced the incidence of upper respiratory tract infection within the region. In addition, reputable organisations perhaps assist in solving the already dilapidated state of the environment. In fact, they contribute financially coupled with provision of manpower to tackle these environmental menaces. For these reasons, the proponents of this view hold firmly that government and firms have more roles to play. Nevertheless, I refute the claim that individuals do not have parts to play in safeguarding our environment. While the lawmakers and sizeable business institutions seem to be the major players in environmental matters, individuals may appear to have a myriad of contributions to the environment. To begin with, because people come directly with the environment, they tend to be in the position to effect greater changes. For example, in Sapele, Delta state, the Indigenes partake in monthly environmental sanitation. Their immediate surroundings are tidied when the monthly cleaning is upheld. Furthermore, they probably ensure that their neighbours adhere to enact environmental policies. If the citizens can abide by the rules, the environment will be safer. In conclusion, despite the crucial roles the government and rich firms play, individuals appear to also offer essential contribution to the environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
purport that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are useless in the improvement of our immediate surroundings.
However
, significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact can
be made
my the authorities and gigantic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
. I tend to disagree with the view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in sustaining the environment.

For a variety of reasons, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
have key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in protecting and sustaining our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Firstly
, the administration of the state enacts public laws which protect the atmosphere
as well
as curbing of unwanted emission of pollutants by industries.
As a result
, the citizenry inhaled healthy air.
For instance
, in Singapore, during the industrial age, there was a memo on oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to restrict gas flaring into the atmosphere. This act
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the incidence of upper respiratory tract infection within the region.
In addition
, reputable
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
perhaps assist in solving the already dilapidated state of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. In fact, they contribute
financially
coupled with provision of manpower to tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
menaces. For these reasons, the proponents of this view hold
firmly
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
to play.

Nevertheless
, I refute the claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
do not have parts to play in safeguarding our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. While the lawmakers and sizeable business institutions seem to be the major players in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
matters,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
may appear to have a myriad of contributions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
directly
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, they tend to be in the position to effect greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sapele
, Delta state, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Indigenes
partake in monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
sanitation. Their immediate surroundings
are tidied
when the monthly cleaning
is upheld
.
Furthermore
, they
probably
ensure that their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
adhere to enact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
policies. If the citizens can abide by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will be safer.

In conclusion
, despite the crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firms
play,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
appear to
also
offer essential contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people have learned a foreign language in their own country; others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken. Which is better? Give the advantages of each and support your viewpoint. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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