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Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we much return to the older and more traditional of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we much return to the older and more traditional of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. v. 1
Selfishness and greed have, nowadays, become the societal norm. Some suggest that restoring conventional values will render an improved lifestyle and positively impact our immediate community. I am inclined to agree with this assertion. For a start, a traditional practice is face-to-face communication. For instance, in rapidly developing cities, the lack of this form of communication is a contributing factor of poor behaviour, as millennials learn from those on social media, who may not possess the best traits either. By direct communication, parents can monitor the youngster’s actions and correct as necessary, whereas it is more difficult to track their online activity. If only the offspring can learn along the lines of their parent’s actions, then a majority of issues will be mitigated, and if not, then this will be a worrying trend that looks set to continue. Additionally, the new generation is not equipped with the appropriate knowledge of morals. This derives from the reduced discipline in schools as well as the pupils exercising their rights. In stark contrast, however, teachers were allowed to dish out consequences to wrongdoers, including the greedy and selfish, in the past. For example, students, in turn, can differentiate between right and wrong morals. Admittedly, traditional methods, such as corporal punishment, may be overkill for those students; nonetheless, it is a concrete step to nurturing pupils to be a beneficial steward in the community. In conclusion, I strongly reaffirm my stance that traditional practices will restore the fresh generation. It is certainly hoped that these suggested measures will bring order and justice to those culprits, coupled with educating them with various life skills.
Selfishness and greed have, nowadays, become the societal norm.
Some
suggest that restoring conventional values will render an
improved
lifestyle and
positively
impact our immediate community. I
am inclined
to
agree
with this assertion.

For a
start
, a traditional practice is face-to-face communication.
For instance
, in
rapidly
developing cities, the lack of this form of communication is a contributing factor of poor
behaviour
, as millennials learn from those on social media, who may not possess the best traits either. By direct communication, parents can monitor the youngster’s actions and correct as necessary, whereas it is more difficult to
track
their online activity. If
only
the offspring can learn along the lines of their parent’s actions, then a majority of issues will
be mitigated
, and if not, then this will be a worrying trend that looks set to continue.

Additionally
, the new generation is not equipped with the appropriate knowledge of morals. This derives from the
reduced
discipline in schools
as well
as the pupils exercising their rights. In stark contrast,
however
, teachers were
allowed
to dish out
consequences to
wrongdoers, including the greedy and selfish, in the past.
For example
, students, in turn, can differentiate between right and
wrong
morals.
Admittedly
, traditional methods, such as corporal punishment, may be overkill for those students; nonetheless, it is a concrete step to nurturing pupils to be a beneficial steward in the community.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
reaffirm my stance that traditional practices will restore the fresh generation. It is
certainly
hoped that these suggested measures will bring order and justice to those culprits, coupled with educating them with various life
skills
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we much return to the older and more traditional of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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