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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. U v.402

For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. U v. 402
It is argued that some essential measures should be applied to control noise. While some individuals say that they have the freedom to make noise as they like, I would argue that it would be better to reduce noise. On the one hand, some people like to make as much noise as they want for various reasons. Firstly, many of them feel more comfortable and free when creating noise from different activities while working or entertaining. For example, turning the volume louder to enjoy favourite songs makes them feel relaxed after a long, busy day, although it may disturb their next-door neighbours. Secondly, people often consider noise as a part of the industrialization and modernization process, therefore it is unavoidable. Traffic noise or engine noise seems to have become more familiar to urban citizens. As a result, they feel that there are no particular reasons to control noise. On the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial to impose some laws to strictly control noise. The first reason is that noise has harmful impacts on people‘s health. For instance, some of my friends cannot sleep at night because of intrusive sounds from a nearby industrial zone. If this situation lasts for a long time, it will definitely lead to a deterioration in their mental and physical health. Furthermore, the productivity of work may be reduced as a consequence of noise. A lot of white-collar workers report that they cannot fully concentrate on their tasks because of the constant noise from vehicles in the street. In conclusion, it seems to me that noise should be limited in order to have a better life, although some people insist on making a lot of noise without any consideration for others.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential measures should
be applied
to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals say that they have the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they like, I would argue that it would be better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
noise.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they want for various reasons.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them feel more comfortable and free when creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities while working or entertaining.
For example
, turning the volume louder to enjoy
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
songs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel relaxed after a long, busy day, although it may disturb their
next
-door
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as a part of the industrialization and modernization process,
therefore
it is unavoidable. Traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
or engine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
seems to have become more familiar to urban citizens.
As a result
, they feel that there are no particular reasons to control noise.

On the other hand
, I believe that it is more beneficial to impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws to
strictly
control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
. The
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
has harmful impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people‘s
health.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my friends cannot sleep at night
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of intrusive sounds from a nearby industrial zone. If this situation lasts for a long time, it will definitely lead to a deterioration in their mental and physical health.
Furthermore
, the productivity of work may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
as a consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
white-collar workers report that they cannot
fully
concentrate on their tasks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
from vehicles in the street.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
should
be limited
in order to have a better life, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist on making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
without any consideration for others.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children (five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. U v. 402

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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