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Name a world leader you think is important and has made important contributions to the people of your nation. Give specific reasons for your choice. v.2

Name a world leader you think is important and has made important contributions to the people of your nation. Give specific reasons for your choice. v. 2
a leader is necessary to society and to country who constantly looks for role model to guide the citizen into glory path. there have been many successful leaders on whole of the world. among them, in my opinion, a leader who has made the most significant contributions to my country is soekarno. soekarno who familiar with bung karno was a very influential leader. he was the first president in indonesia and played the critical aspect for the independence state of indonesia. he was the first president and proclaimed the independence of indonesia on august 17th 1945. moreover, he organized the concept of basic state of indonesia and gave name " pancasila" . before, we got our independence which is more sacrifice. for instance, he could have displacement to bangka, that far from the central city in indonesia. in there, bung karno became one of participate in organization bung tomo. he burned out the spirit young people to give their best and fight the colonial such as dutch. when the colonial knew that bung karno can threat, the colonial which exiled again into rengas dengklok. even though, he exiled to another city, indonesian people still believe with him. in march 1966, he signed the letter for " supersemar" that is controversial, because it said that soeharto must have dissolved the parliament in that time. he got criticism from the citizens. besides that, he made indonesian people more unite. together with bung hatta, he built indonesia as democracy country with president as a leader. likewise he given some of the building that became a relief for indonesia, since he graduated from architech. for example, sport field in senayan, statues in pancoran and senayan, and monument of national. we can see and use until now.
a
leader
is necessary to society and to country who
constantly
looks for role model to guide the citizen into glory path.
there
have been
many
successful
leaders
on whole of the world.
among
them, in my opinion, a
leader
who has made the most significant contributions to my country is
soekarno
.

soekarno
who familiar
with bung
karno
was a
very
influential
leader
.
he
was the
first
president in
indonesia
and played the critical aspect for the independence state of
indonesia
.
he
was the
first
president and proclaimed the independence of
indonesia
on
august
17th 1945.
moreover
, he organized the concept of basic state of
indonesia
and gave name
&quot
;
pancasila&quot
;
.
before
, we
got
our independence which is more sacrifice.
for
instance, he could have displacement to
bangka
, that far from the central city in
indonesia
.
in
there, bung
karno
became one of participate in organization bung
tomo
.
he
burned out the spirit young
people
to give their best and fight the colonial such as dutch.

when
the colonial knew that bung
karno
can threat, the colonial which exiled again into
rengas
dengklok
.
even
though, he exiled to another city,
indonesian
people
still
believe with him.
in
march
1966, he signed the letter for
&quot
;
supersemar&quot
;
that is
controversial,
because
it said that
soeharto
must
have dissolved the parliament in that time.
he
got
criticism from the citizens.
besides
that, he made
indonesian
people
more unite.
together
with bung
hatta
, he built
indonesia
as democracy country with president as a
leader
.
likewise
he
given
some of the
building that became a relief for
indonesia
, since he graduated from
architech
.
for
example, sport field in
senayan
, statues in
pancoran
and
senayan
, and monument of national.
we
can
see
and
use
until
now
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
53Mistakes

IELTS essay Name a world leader you think is important and has made important contributions to the people of your nation. Give specific reasons for your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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