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3. Leaders like John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King have made important contributions to the people of the United States. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice. v.1

3. Leaders like John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King have made important contributions to the people of the United States. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice. v. 1
In recent years, some of the parents prefer to enrol to college their children at early ages like at 4, while some children start college at 7. There are some advantages and disadvantages that children who start school at an early stage. I feel that negative effects are greater. This essay will discuss both sides of the arguments. On the one hand, it is true that a positive impact on children who start their education at an early stage. The first reason that an early age, education will provide to increase their intelligence, such as writing, reading skills. In addition, those skills will help to expand their interests and it might connect to their future careers. The second reason is that children learn about social behaviour and communication skills in society. They learn to be punctual to attend school every day. Moreover, communication with their teachers and other students will influence their individual development of communication skills. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages for children who attend school at an early age. Firstly, children will spend less time with their parents and siblings, for example, some children might need to build a relationship with their parents and siblings such as express their emotional feelings in order to build their individual developments. Secondly, their teacher might have to do the extra support with children’s physical training such as pee if they are not able to do themselves. In conclusion, while it is true that there are some merits over children’s education in the school at an early age, in my opinion, the disadvantages outweighs the advantages when it considers. The parents should carefully consider suitable ages of their children before enrolling in the college.
In recent years,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
prefer to enrol to college their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
like at 4, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
college at 7. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
stage. I feel that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects are greater. This essay will discuss both sides of the arguments.

On the one hand, it is true that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their education at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
stage. The
first
reason that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, education will provide to increase their intelligence, such as writing, reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In addition
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to expand their interests and it might connect to their future careers. The second reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn about social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in society. They learn to be punctual to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
every day.
Moreover
, communication with their teachers and other students will influence their individual development of communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will spend less time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and siblings,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might need to build a relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and siblings such as express their emotional feelings in order to build their individual developments.
Secondly
, their teacher might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do the extra support with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
physical training such as pee if they are not able to do themselves.

In conclusion
, while it is true that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
education in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, in my opinion, the disadvantages outweighs the advantages when it considers. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
carefully
consider suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
enrolling in the college.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 3. Leaders like John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King have made important contributions to the people of the United States. Name another world leader you think is important. Give specific reasons for your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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