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Some people think that scientists make the most important contributions to society. Other people think that the contributions of artists are the most important. Which position do you agree with? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Some people think that scientists make the most important contributions to society. Other people think that the contributions of artists are the most important. Which position do you agree with? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
In recent times, there has been a widespread debate on whether scientists have more influential aspect on the community or not. While some people think artists have more significant roles in societies, I hold the opposite view. I believe that the role of scientists is more important in communities than the role of artists. To begin with, scientists create several devices that make people’s life becomes easier. They invent many communication and entertainment devices that allow people to be more comfortable when they contact with each other and when they want to enjoy their free times. For example, the advent of the telephone by one of the best scientists allowed people to know all the details about their families and friends. Parents can contact their kids who are studying abroad in a very convenient way and short time. However, people in the past struggled when they tried to reach their families who live in distant places. They used to send letters that took more than two months to be delivered to the other side of the world. Furthermore, scientists invented the TV which makes people’ live much easier than before. They can enjoy their time watching some movies or some comedy shows. Indeed, this is all because of scientists’ inventions. Adding to the previous point, scientists can help people live longer. They created many beneficial treatments that can cure severe diseases. For instance, in the past, people used to die whenever they had a cancer disease because they did not have a cure at that time. Nonetheless, today, scientist developed several treatments for cancer that can make people live at least ten years more than before. Obviously, scientists have a very essential role in people’s life. In conclusion, I encourage governments to concentrate on educating people to become more interested in science rather than art. This is because scientists have a major role in developing most countries.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, there has been a widespread debate on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
have more influential aspect on the community or not. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
artists have more significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in societies, I hold the opposite view. I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in communities than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of artists.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
create several devices that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life becomes easier. They invent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communication and entertainment devices that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more comfortable when they contact with each other and when they want to enjoy their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
For example
, the advent of the telephone by one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about their families and friends. Parents can contact their kids who are studying abroad in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient way and short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past struggled when they tried to reach their families who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in distant places. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
letters that took more than two months to
be delivered
to the other side of the world.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
invented the TV which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
much easier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. They can enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
movies or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
comedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
Indeed
, this is all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists’
inventions.

Adding to the previous point,
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scientists
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer. They created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beneficial treatments that can cure severe diseases.
For instance
, in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
whenever they had a cancer disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they did not have a cure at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Nonetheless,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
developed several treatments for cancer that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
at least ten years more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.

In conclusion
, I encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to concentrate on educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become more interested in science
rather
than art. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
have a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in developing most countries.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that scientists make the most important contributions to society. Other people think that the contributions of artists are the most important. Which position do you agree with? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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