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Name a world leader you think is important and has made important contributions to the people of your nation. Give specific reasons for your choice. v.1

Name a world leader you think is important and has made important contributions to the people of your nation. Give specific reasons for your choice. v. 1
Technology has become a prominent aspect of each and everyone's life. While certain sect of the public believes that modern gadgets like cell phones, don't have any advantages to offer, On the contrary another group advocates that smart devices have more to offer than just the drawbacks. This essay summarizes how these devices have several benefits that overthrow the drawbacks But using tablets or other form of communication devices does have drawbacks, though they were created for the betterment of everyone, in certain areas they have worsened how a human function's in day to day life. For example, constant use of electronics makes people lethargic, which in turn makes them unhealthy, Furthermore, people are so busy with them that they have become more anti-social, Thus depleting social development within the society. Although consumption of the above electronics does have disadvantages, They have several benefits that have changed the whole world in a plethora of ways, while they have made international communication easy via the internet and how data can be shared and used, similarly, technology has paved the way in creating of the modes of payment that only take seconds to execute and transfer cash, while providing a simple and easy to use interface. For instance, a person can contact his distant relatives in remote places by using smartphones, in addition, an individual doesn't need to go to internet shops to access the web, With phenomenal connections provided by network providers, using the net on the phones has become quicker than ever before, moreover, technology has altered how even medical, Today, hospitals worldwide use complex, computerised machines to image the body or assist its function. In conclusion, While technology certainly has few pitfalls, I believe these flaws are meagre when compared to the astonishing amount of resources the web and smart devices have provided.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has become a prominent aspect of each and
Did you mean "every one"?
everyone
's life. While certain sect of the public believes that modern gadgets like cell phones, don't have any advantages to offer,
On the contrary
another group advocates that smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have more to offer than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the drawbacks. This essay summarizes how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have several benefits that overthrow the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
drawbacks


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
using tablets or other form of communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
does have drawbacks, though they
were created
for the betterment of everyone, in certain areas they have worsened how a human function's in day to day life.
For example
, constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lethargic, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them unhealthy,
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy with them that they have become more anti-social,
Thus
depleting social development within the society.

Although consumption of the above electronics does have disadvantages, They have several benefits that have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the whole world in a plethora of ways, while they have made international communication easy via the internet and how data can
be shared
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
,
similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has paved the way in creating of the modes of payment that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take seconds to execute and transfer cash, while providing a simple and easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
interface.
For instance
, a person can contact his distant relatives in remote places by using smartphones,
in addition
, an individual doesn't need to go to internet shops to access the web, With phenomenal connections provided by network providers, using the net on the phones has become quicker than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has altered how even medical,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, hospitals worldwide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
complex,
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
machines to image the body or assist its function.

In conclusion
, While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
certainly
has few pitfalls, I believe these flaws are
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
when compared to the astonishing amount of resources the web and smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have provided.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Name a world leader you think is important and has made important contributions to the people of your nation. Give specific reasons for your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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