Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Name a place in your country, you would recommend to foreign visitors. Describe the place and explain, why would you recomend it. v.1

Name a place in your country, you would recommend to foreign visitors. Describe the place and explain, why would you recomend it. v. 1
We live in cutting-edge world, where everything changes and develops day by day. Some people consider that companies should keep their employees permanently while others, including me completely disagree with this point of view. First of all, employees would become more delinquent, as they would be incontrovertible that would never lose their career and this could fail lots of businesses, in fact employees would not be interested in competing with each other, or showing their talents. Therefore, this leads businesses to close or to claim bankruptcy. Moreover, if employees stay in the same task for their whole life, they may definitely be bored or even irritated, which results in employee motivation. Consequently this decline their efficiency too. Hence by changing their staffs each several year, organizations can ameliorate its efficiency as well as productivity. Secondly, due to the competition among corporations, nowadays, businesses require young workers. So it is difficult to have the superior operatives because of the fact that companies are not able to hire the satisfactory staff without dismissing another employee. Furthermore, as the world is becoming more contemporary, businesses have to experience employees for a quick period of time, if they are accordant or not. For example, infrequently employers could be fascinated by someone during a work interview and may consider that he or she is the prime candidate for appointment, nevertheless after experiencing, hirers may comprehend that they were inaccurate. To conclude, I believe that hiring employees for their entire lives is not a reasonable idea as businesses may claim bankruptcy.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in cutting-edge world, where everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and develops day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
permanently
while others, including me completely disagree with this point of view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would become more delinquent, as they would be incontrovertible that would never lose their career and this could fail lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
, in fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
would not
be interested
in competing with each other, or showing their talents.
Therefore
, this leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to close or to claim bankruptcy.
Moreover
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
stay in the same task for their whole life, they may definitely
be bored
or even irritated, which results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
motivation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
this decline their efficiency too.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
by changing their staffs each
Possible agreement error. The noun year seems to be countable; consider using: "several years".
several year
, organizations can ameliorate its efficiency
as well
as productivity.

Secondly
, due to the competition among corporations, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
require young workers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is difficult to have the superior operatives
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are not able to hire the satisfactory staff without dismissing another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
.
Furthermore
, as the world is becoming more contemporary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for a quick period of time, if they are accordant or not.
For example
,
infrequently
employers could
be fascinated
by someone during a work interview and may consider that he or she is the prime candidate for appointment,
nevertheless
after experiencing,
Possible spelling mistake found.
hirers
may comprehend that they were inaccurate.

To conclude
, I believe that hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for their entire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is not a reasonable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
may claim bankruptcy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Name a place in your country, you would recommend to foreign visitors. Describe the place and explain, why would you recomend it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts