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Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.3

Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3
The advancement of new technology, especially about the way people interact virtually (for example, using Facebook), has brought some side effects either in individuals or societies. This essay will highlight the drawbacks of these social networking sites. With regard to individuals, the first crucial disadvantage of this trend is that people tend to abuse using these sites to raise their popularity. To illustrate, they potentially manipulate their personality to get higher attraction from other social media users, and as a result, this habit can affect their whole nature in real life. Beside doing not proper behaviour to get fame in social media, the negative impact of operating the sites is people, especially for the active user, frequently spend excessive time on their gadget screen to look at their social activity. In some cases, Facebook can be so addictive and make people forget that they have been connected to people via these sites for hours. As for Societies, one of the drawbacks of these conditions is the possibility to create a wrong social movement. This is because few people can initiate to feed and distribute false information to mass people in social media and get an advantage from that situation. For instance, in the presidential election, people systematically do Black Campaign on Facebook to destroy a particular candidate's reputation. Besides damaging the reputation, people can harness their Facebook account to make each candidate supporter group to hate each other. To sum up, if people might not use social networking sites wisely, it will negatively affect societies and their citizens. To mitigate these issues, a few possible solutions are to make influencing campaigns about how to use social networking sites properly and reinforcing the information & technology law that can keep up with this trend.
The advancement of new technology,
especially
about the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact
virtually
(
for example
, using Facebook), has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
side effects either in individuals or societies. This essay will highlight the drawbacks of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites.

With regard to individuals, the
first
crucial disadvantage of this trend is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to abuse using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
to raise their popularity. To illustrate, they
potentially
manipulate their personality to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher attraction from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media users, and
as a result
, this habit can affect their whole nature in real life. Beside doing not proper
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fame in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of operating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
for the active user,
frequently
spend excessive time on their gadget screen to look at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activity. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, Facebook can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addictive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget that they have
been connected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
via these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
for hours.

As for Societies, one of the drawbacks of these conditions is the possibility to create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
movement. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can initiate to feed and distribute false information to mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an advantage from that situation.
For instance
, in the presidential election,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
systematically
do Black Campaign on Facebook to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
a particular candidate's reputation.
Besides
damaging the reputation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can harness their Facebook account to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
each candidate supporter group to hate each other.

To sum up, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
wisely
, it will
negatively
affect societies and their citizens. To mitigate these issues, a few possible solutions are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
influencing campaigns about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
properly
and reinforcing the information & technology law that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with this trend.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Businesses should hire employees for their entire lives. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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