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n today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

n today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. v. 2
Nowadays, it becomes mandatory for both parents to work. Although, many believe that the kids are the beneficiaries of the additional earnings, others think that the children lack attention as a result. While I agree that the children stands to gain from the extra wages, It has a debilitating effect on the children. The extra wages, provides clear advantages for the children. Firstly, feeding costs, school fees and medical expenses are all on the increase. Parents who want the best for their kids want the best Education for them which doesn't come cheap. Quality education brings out the best in children, enhances their self confidence, interpersonal skills and ensure they are well equipped for future challenges. Also, emergency situations like unpredictable medical events can occur which requires immediate funding and attention. For instance, it was reported recently about 30% of parents had lost their offsprings to certain ailment due to inadequate resources. On the other hand, having resources without giving necessary attention to these children psychologically affects their growth and mental health. They are not able to establish a good relationship with the parents and thus cannot confide in them which makes it easy for peer pressure influence. This can greatly affect their habit forming and cause them to embrace social vices like stealing, smoking and drinking. The result of which can greatly affect their health and future. A recent research discovered that 20% of deaths from lung cancer(caused by excessive smoking) are below the age of 18 whose parents are no longer there to cater for them In conclusion, it is awesome for parents to work and get extra income for the children's welfare, the lack of care and support that comes from it should not be encouraged. Parents should strike balance between work and having to be there for the children to foster a greater, healthier homes
Nowadays, it becomes mandatory for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to work. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that the kids are the beneficiaries of the additional earnings, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack attention
as a result
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stands to gain from the extra wages, It has a debilitating effect on the children.

The extra wages, provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
advantages for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, feeding costs, school fees and medical expenses are all on the increase.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
who want the best for their kids want the best Education for them which doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
. Quality education brings out the best in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, enhances their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
, interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and ensure they are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
for future challenges.
Also
, emergency situations like unpredictable medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can occur which requires immediate funding and attention.
For instance
, it
was reported
recently about 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had lost their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to certain ailment due to inadequate resources.

On the other hand
, having resources without giving necessary attention to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
psychologically
affects their growth and mental health. They are not able to establish a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
thus
cannot confide in them which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easy for peer pressure influence. This can
greatly
affect their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
habit forming
and cause them to embrace social vices like stealing, smoking and drinking. The result of which can
greatly
affect their health and future. A recent research discovered that 20% of deaths from lung cancer(caused by excessive smoking) are below the age of 18 whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are no longer there to cater for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
them


In conclusion
, it is awesome for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extra income for the children's welfare, the lack of care and support that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from it should not
be encouraged
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should strike balance between work and having to be there for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to foster a greater, healthier
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
homes
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay n today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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