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In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. v. 1
A modern family has both parents working for up to 8 to 12 hours a day, with the children at school and with all the family members present at home for dinner. That being said, bonding among members is significantly reduced, which is only at night. In exchange is a well financed education of the children and a more comfortable life of each. It is true that with the rapid growth of economic expenses and the increase in the requirement and needs of offsprings, parents are forced to work long hours for them to provide their needs. This results to parents being tired and not being able to have enough time to interact at home. The remaining hours are spent for dinner, which is the only quality moment they have for each other and the rest is for sleep. People say that it is more important to spend more occasions with their children rather than to work. This is because children have the tendency to feel incomplete or abandoned, which could lead to problems in their behaviour towards themselves and towards other people. It could also affect the children's poor choice of peers that could become bad influences to them. Parents cannot control the time they have if they have a job that is full- time that is why they have their day offs to make up for their kids. It is necessary that within these times, both the mother and the father should explain the condition of their work and that what they are doing is for their future. Family time need not to be every day for as long as they understand and commit to each other, then that is more important. In my opinion, teaching the children the truths of life and how to deal with the difficulties at an early age will allow them to mature in terms of responsibilities and thinking. As long as they can feel their parents' presence and support, they will be able to grow as fine adults.
A modern family has both parents working for up to 8 to 12 hours a day, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at school and with all the family members present at home for dinner. That
being said
, bonding among members is
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at night. In exchange is a well financed education of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and a more comfortable life of each.

It is true that with the rapid growth of economic expenses and the increase in the requirement and needs of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
, parents
are forced
to work long hours for them to provide their needs. This results to parents
being tired
and not being able to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to interact at home. The remaining hours
are spent
for dinner, which is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
quality moment they have for each other and the rest is for sleep.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
say that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to spend more occasions with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than to work. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the tendency to feel incomplete or abandoned, which could lead to problems in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
towards themselves and towards other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It could
also
affect the children's poor choice of peers that could become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences to them.

Parents cannot control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they have if they have a job
that is
full-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that is
why they have their day offs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up for their kids. It is necessary that within these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, both the mother and the father should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the condition of their work and that what they are doing is for their future. Family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
need not
Did you mean "be"?
to be
every day for as long as they understand and commit to each other, then
that is
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

In my opinion, teaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the truths of life and how to deal with the difficulties at an early age will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to mature in terms of responsibilities and thinking. As long as they can feel their parents' presence and support, they will be able to grow as fine adults.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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