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In some area of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v.10

In some area of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v. 10
The teenage years are the time in a person’s development when they begin to need to make their own decisions, and I believe it is the role of parents, not the government, to decide how much freedom teenagers will have to make those decisions. This is why I oppose state-mandated curfews for young people. While making this general point, I concede that there might be some community-based exceptions. If, for example, criminal gangs are actively recruiting teenagers into their ranks, then perhaps a curfew makes sense. One might also imagine a scenario wherein the teens themselves are the ones causing significant harm late at night. Some kinds of mischief, such as throwing eggs at another teens’ home, wrapping trees in toilet paper or petty theft of commercial signage has always been the kind of crime than only teenagers do. If these acts became rampant, then a curfew restriction would be more justifiable. On the whole, however, if we allow the government to dictate what a parent allows their children to do or not do in this case, we are opening the door to allowing more draconian restrictions later on. It would not be too far-fetched to imagine government-imposed rules on teen hair styles, dress and leisure activities. The state has no place in my choices as a parent and how much freedom I give my children. In summary, just as some circumstances, such as civil unrest, allow for the government to declare a general curfew for everyone, it is conceivable that certain conditions might call for a curfew based on age. Absent these conditions, parents are the ones who should set their teenagers’ curfews.
The teenage years are the time in a person’s development when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions, and I believe it is the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, to decide how much freedom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
those decisions. This is why I oppose state-mandated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfews
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

While making this general point, I concede that there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
community-based exceptions. If,
for example
, criminal gangs are
actively
recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
into their ranks, then perhaps a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense. One might
also
imagine a scenario wherein the teens themselves are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
causing significant harm late at night.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
kinds of mischief, such as throwing eggs at another teens’ home, wrapping trees in toilet paper or petty theft of commercial signage has always been the kind of crime than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
do. If these acts became rampant, then a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
restriction would be more justifiable.

On the whole
,
however
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to dictate what a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
their children to do or not do
in this case
, we are opening the door to allowing more
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some adjectives that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Draconian".
draconian
restrictions later on. It would not be too far-fetched to imagine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
-imposed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on teen hair styles, dress and leisure activities. The state has no place in my choices as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and how much freedom I give my children.

In summary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances, such as civil unrest,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to declare a general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
for everyone, it is conceivable that certain conditions might call for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfew
based on age. Absent these conditions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who should set their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curfews
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some area of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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