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Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. v. 3
It is often argued that countries with lengthened working hours are more economically progressive than countries with a shorter period. I completely agree with this opinion and think that nations with limited work hours are less accomplished and more predisposed to various ill vices First of all, I believe that a long work time enhances profit and thus growth of industries. Working for a longer period of time means that more task will be completed and companys' goals and objectives would be met within a shorter time frame which is tantamount to financial growth and therefore economic developments. For Instance, a recent research revealed over 20% surge in the GDP of a country where the federal government had extended the working period of its workers. Secondly, this means that less attention is paid to social vices such as stealing, cultism, drug abuse, sexual abuse. Having a lot of work to do will definitely leave no time for unhealthy behaviours that are against the morality of the society therefore, a drastic decrease in the social menace inherent in a country. As reported recently, a certain community was able to cut down the menace of stealing when it engaged the youth in a community development program and extended its activities further. In conclusion, Nations with longer working hours are wealthier and promising than countries with shorter hours because of the extra income earned as well as a reduction in social vices. It is therefore recommended that countries embrace this method of working for a richer and safer environment.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with lengthened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are more
economically
progressive than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with a shorter period. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that nations with limited work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are less accomplished and more predisposed to various ill
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
vices


This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that a long work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
enhances profit and
thus
growth of industries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
for a longer period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
means that more task will
be completed
and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "companies", the plural form of the noun 'company'?
companys
' goals and objectives would
be met
within a shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
frame which is tantamount to financial growth and
therefore
economic developments.
For Instance
, a recent research revealed over 20% surge in the GDP of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where the federal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had extended the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
period of its workers.

Secondly
, this means that less attention
is paid
to social vices such as stealing, cultism, drug abuse, sexual abuse. Having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work to do will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for unhealthy
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
that are against the morality of the society
therefore
, a drastic decrease in the social menace inherent in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As reported recently, a certain community was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the menace of stealing when it engaged the youth in a community development program and extended its activities
further
.

In conclusion
, Nations with longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are wealthier and promising than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the extra income earned
as well
as a reduction in social vices. It is
therefore
recommended that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
embrace this method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a richer and safer environment.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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