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n some countries, secondary school aims to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world? v.1

n some countries, secondary school aims to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world? v. 1
People have different opinions about whether secondary school students should learn different subjects in general or focus only on a few core subjects. In my opinion, it is more beneficial for them to learn a variety of subjects at this age. If students have access to a wide diversity of subjects in middle school and high school, they can become quite knowledgeable. Our society is advancing at such an unprecedented pace that many professions that prevail today are forecast to vanish in the near future. That poses a multitude of challenges to the younger generation who will survive only if they are equipped with a wealth of knowledge in a variety of domains. Consequently, learning multiple principles from science to languages helps them gain substantial amounts of information, concepts and genres, facilitating the acquisition of knowledge in various areas. Thus, those who learn a range of subjects in secondary school can be more capable and competitive once they enter the highly competitive workplace. Another measured benefit of learning more subjects during adolescence is that children can hone various skills. Different courses require distinctive capacities of students, so the students who can survive and perform well in a diverse curriculum are more likely to become a well-rounded learner. For example, in math class children can improve their numerical and reasoning ability whereas what they acquire in history class is how to perceive and judge the historical events by analyzing the underlying reasons and making meaningful assumptions. This training of different types plays an integral part in stretching middle-school children in different areas. By attending these classes, they can enhance their competency in a wide sense which allows them to qualify for different types of jobs in the future. In conclusion, given that children in secondary school can benefit from learning a broad curriculum, I firmly advocate that educational institutions provide general education to young people.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
opinions about whether secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in general
or focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on a few core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. In my opinion, it is more beneficial for them to learn a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at this age.

If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have access to a wide diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they can become quite knowledgeable. Our society is advancing at such an unprecedented pace that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions that prevail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are forecast to vanish in the near future. That poses a multitude of challenges to the younger generation who will survive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they
are equipped
with a wealth of knowledge in a variety of domains.
Consequently
, learning multiple principles from science to languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them gain substantial amounts of information, concepts and genres, facilitating the acquisition of knowledge in various areas.
Thus
, those who learn a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can be more capable and competitive once they enter the
highly
competitive workplace.

Another measured benefit of learning more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
during adolescence is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can hone various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
courses require distinctive capacities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who can survive and perform well in a diverse curriculum are more likely to become a well-rounded learner.
For example
, in math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their numerical and reasoning ability whereas what they acquire in history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is how to perceive and judge the historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
by analyzing the underlying reasons and making meaningful assumptions. This training of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types plays an integral part in stretching middle-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
areas. By attending these classes, they can enhance their competency in a wide sense which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to qualify for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of jobs in the future.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can benefit from learning a broad curriculum, I
firmly
advocate that educational institutions provide general education to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay n some countries, secondary school aims to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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