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These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree v.2

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. v. 2
Violent content in the form of video games, media channels, and television dramas has seen a rapid increase over the last few years. This form of content, when exposed to children, could have negative consequences on their personality and behavior. Some children might be more prone to the negative effects of violence on television than others might, but I do not agree that all children would demonstrate violent behavior due to exposure toof brutal content on television. Studies have shown that children, particularly in their early years, absorb and retain a lot of information from the television. The famous television serial, ‘The Seseame Street’ has proved to influence the behavior and personalities of many children across the world. In addition, children need reinforcement from their surroundings for their behavior to shape. For example, a child living in Ghana would most probably demonstrate violent behavior if he/she watches violent content on the television and observes violence in his village when he goes out and witnesses gunshots and blood from the wounded regardless of content displayed on TV. Hence, I believe blood and gore on television, by itself, does not necessarily alter children’s behavior. Children in many countries play violent videos games such as ‘GrandtheftGrand theft Auto’ or ‘Call of Duty’ but that does not result in them expressing violent behavior. This is because they know it is just a game and consequences of violence in a game and in a real world are very different. On the contrary, children in many villages in Pakistan domestically abuse and beat their sisters even though they do not have any television sets or exposure to violent content. Therefore, violent behavior is not influenced by violent content on the television only; there are many other factors that affect such behavior. In conclusion, I would like to say that I do not agree with the statement that violent content on the television negatively affects children’s behavior, as there isn’t enough scientific evidence to back up this hypothesis. However, it is better to limit exposure to violence to children as other societal factors could reinforce violent behavior in them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
in the form of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, media channels, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
dramas has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rapid increase over the last few years. This form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
, when exposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on their personality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might be more prone to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
than others might,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would demonstrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
due to exposure
Possible spelling mistake found.
toof
brutal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
on television.

Studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
particularly
in their early years, absorb and retain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
serial, ‘The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Seseame
Street’ has proved to influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
and personalities of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
across the world.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need reinforcement from their surroundings for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
to shape.
For example
, a child living in Ghana would most
probably
demonstrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
if he/she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and observes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in his village when he goes out and witnesses gunshots and blood from the wounded regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
displayed on TV.
Hence
, I believe blood and gore on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, by itself, does not
necessarily
alter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
behavior.

Children in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
videos
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as ‘
Possible spelling mistake found.
GrandtheftGrand
theft Auto’ or ‘Call of Duty’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that does not result in them expressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a game and consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in a game and in a real world are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
villages in Pakistan
domestically
abuse and beat their sisters
even though
they do not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
sets or exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
is not influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
; there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other factors that affect such behavior.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
negatively
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
, as there isn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
scientific evidence to back up this hypothesis.
However
, it is better to limit exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as other societal factors could reinforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
in them.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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