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Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business Why do you think that it? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v.2

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business Why do you think that it? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v. 2
Creative skills were a significant part of global society, but now-a-days people are less interested in them and are focused mainly towards applied practical skills. In my opinion, this scenario has taken place because of lack of understanding the importance of art among people and their ruling bodies. To begin with, people must understand that artistic skills are necessary for any practical skill development as learning them is known to improve lateral thinking in children and adults. In other words, learning arts has innumerable benefits and people should educate themselves about it. To exemplify this, a recent research by The Greater Michigan University shows that people who learn or play a musical instrument regularly have more functional brains when compared to the others. Secondly, the decline in the interest of authorities to promote art related establishments such as music colleges is another crucial factor, which is forcing people to choose the science and technology over the art. For example, there are fewer art colleges today than ever, but the number of business schools is at a rise because of the funding and encouragement they obtain from the governing bodies. In order to address the above reasons, the ruling bodies need to improve in terms of funding the art and related events such as music concerts. Also, initiatives need to be taken by the authorities to make art compulsory in early education. In addition, people should understand and educate others regarding the need of art in our daily life. In conclusion, although art played a significant role in history, an increasing population is interested in the business and technology and is showing lesser interest in arts. This is because of the lack of awareness and funding to improve arts. Hence, the people and their authorities should address this together as stated above.
Creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
were a significant part of global society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less interested in them and
are focused
mainly
towards applied practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In my opinion, this scenario has taken place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of understanding the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their ruling bodies.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
understand that artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are necessary for any practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
development as learning them
is known
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
lateral thinking in children and adults.
In other words
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
has innumerable benefits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should educate themselves about it. To exemplify this, a recent research by The Greater Michigan University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who learn or play a musical instrument
regularly
have more functional brains when compared to the others.

Secondly
, the decline in the interest of authorities to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
related establishments such as music colleges is another crucial factor, which is forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose the science and technology over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For example
, there are fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
colleges
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
than ever,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the number of business schools is at a rise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the funding and encouragement they obtain from the governing bodies.

In order to address the above reasons, the ruling bodies need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in terms of funding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as music concerts.
Also
, initiatives need to
be taken
by the authorities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
compulsory in early education.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should understand and educate others regarding the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in our daily life.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
played a significant role in history, an increasing population
is interested
in the business and technology and is showing lesser interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of awareness and funding to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their authorities should address this together as stated above.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business Why do you think that it? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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