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In some countries secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects In others children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career For today s world which system is appropriate v.1

In some countries secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects In others children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career For today s world which system is appropriate v. 1
The topic related to the ground of awareness of public health has brought on an ever heated debate. It is argued that increasing the number of sport facilities is the best way forward to improve public health, yet, others concede that other more effective ways are required. In this essay below, along with the discussion of this concern, my opinion will be presented. To commence, increasing the number of sport facilities in the numerous places would immensely enhance the well-being and fitness levels of people. To illustrate, today a myriad of people want their figures to be athletic that require a daily workout in the gym. So, that will require increasing the figure of sport facilities for the public which eventually lead a plethora of people to stay healthy. Moreover, a massive increase in the number of fast food chains made people overweight that requires better sport facilities in order to lose their weight. People who have these kind of ailments are those who do not have enough time to have a break and have a lunch, so that they had to have a quick snack. Ergo, introducing more and better sport facilities is a feasible way to solve this problem. However, there are some other options available, that greatly aids, to increase public health. For example, maintaining a healthy diet is the first prodigious goal that every person should have in order to be healthy. To illustrate, a healthy diet, which only consists of products with high nutritional value has an immense impact on individual's health condition. Moreover, people must eliminate detrimental habits, such as smoking or drug addiction that are hazardous to people. Furthermore, some other problems such as carbon footprints in larger cities, especially in the areas where there is an immense number of people and also deterioration of the ecology is degrading people's health condition. Thus, by alleviating these problems one would simultaneously improve his health condition. In conclusion, even though increasing the figure of sport facilities in numerous places would bear a tremendous advantage on people's health, yet, some other options suggested in the aforementioned paragraphs are most important in order to keep public healthy.
The topic related to the ground of awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
has brought on an ever heated debate. It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities is the best way forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
yet
, others concede that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
more effective ways
are required
. In this essay below, along with the discussion of this concern, my opinion will
be presented
.

To commence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities in the numerous places would
immensely
enhance the well-being and fitness levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
a myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want their figures to be athletic that require a daily workout in the gym.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, that will require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
which
eventually
lead a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Moreover
, a massive increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food chains made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overweight that requires better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities in order to lose their weight.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who have
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of ailments are those who do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to have a break and
When we speak of types of meals, the article is not required: "have lunch".
have a lunch
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they had to have a quick snack. Ergo, introducing more and better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities is a feasible way to solve this problem.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
options available, that
greatly
aids, to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
, maintaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet is the
first
prodigious goal that every person should have in order to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. To illustrate, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consists of products with high nutritional value has an immense impact on individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
eliminate detrimental habits, such as smoking or drug addiction that are hazardous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problems such as carbon footprints in larger cities,
especially
in the areas where there is an immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
deterioration of the ecology is degrading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition.
Thus
, by alleviating these problems one would
simultaneously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities in numerous places would bear a tremendous advantage on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
options suggested in the aforementioned paragraphs are most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects In others children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career For today s world which system is appropriate v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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