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Music is played in every society and culture in the world today Some people believe that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies Others however think that music can have a negative influence on both Discuss both these views and give your o v.1

Music is played in every society and culture in the world today Some people believe that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies Others however think that music can have a negative influence on both 1
Many people think that music plays an important role in human life and it brings many benefits to societies. However beside much value, music also has some negative effect which is considered On the one hand, music influences on individuals positively. First of all, music help people relax after working-hard hours. When they listen to music, they might feel comfortable and forget some problems they have to face. As a result, their brain will activate more effective and resist stresses. Moreover, listening to music make them balance emotion, keep calm which is a necessary thing in life. Some kinds of music have function in improving sleeping and maintaining mental health. Besides that, music is also a specific for culture of an area or a country, showing some traditional value and customs of ancestors. Therefore, music has an important meaning with societies. On the other hand, music also affect people negaitvely, especially on the children. For example, when children listen to some musics which is not appropriate with age of them. That thing might make to change awareness of children, leading to some wrong thinking and behaviours. In addition, the kinds of music have evil content, which influences but only children not also teenagers who cannot distinguish the difference between good and bad things. In conclusion, I think that music can have both positive and negative influences on people and societies, which depends on musical types. However, people cannot really separate from music.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in human life and it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to societies.
However
beside much value,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect which is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
considered


On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
influences on individuals
positively
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relax after working-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
hours. When they listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, they might feel comfortable and forget
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face.
As a result
, their brain will activate more effective and resist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
.
Moreover
, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them balance emotion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
calm which is a necessary thing in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have function in improving sleeping and maintaining mental health.
Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
also
a specific for culture of an area or a country, showing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional value and customs of ancestors.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
meaning with societies.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
negaitvely
,
especially
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
listen to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
which is not appropriate with age of them. That thing might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
thinking and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
In addition
, the kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have evil content, which influences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who cannot distinguish the difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and societies, which depends on musical types.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
really
separate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Music is played in every society and culture in the world today Some people believe that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies Others however think that music can have a negative influence on both 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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