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Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.11

Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. v. 11
IN THIS MODERN ERA, MUSIC IS A SOURCE OR ENTERTAINMENT WHICH IS ACCEPTABLE BY EVERY WHERE IN THIS WORLD. SOME BELIVE THAT IT PROVIDES ADVANTAGES ONLY TO INDIVIDUAL AND CITIZENS. WHILE, OTHER THINK THAT, IT AFFECTS NEGATIVELY ON THEM. I WILL DISCUSS BOTH STATEMENTS IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPHS WITH SOME EXAMPLES AND GIVE MY PERSONAL OPINION. TO BEGIN WITH, SOME WHO THINK THAT, IT HAS MANY BENEFIT SIDES BECAUSE IT RELAXES OUR MIND TO BE CLEAR, AFTER BUSY WORK, PEOPLE PREFER TO PLAY OPERA WHICH MAKE THEM FEEL TIREDNESS. MOREOVER, FOR SOMEONE, IT CAN GIVE NAME AND FAME. IF A PERSON USE DIFFERENT INSTRUMENTS VERY WELL. THEY CAN BECOME AN ARTIST AND CAN EARN BIG AMOUNT. FURTHERMORE, IT CAN ALSO ENTERTAIN US SUCH AS, MOSTLY YUONGSTERS GO TO DISCOS WHERE THEY ENJOY SOUL PLAYED BY THE PEOPLE AND DANCE ON IT. THUS, THIS IS VERY POPULAR WORLDWIDELY AND EVERYONE ENJOY ACCORDINGLY. ON THE OTHER HAND, SOME ERE AGAINST THIS AND SAY THAT, THIS HAS NEGATIVE IMPACTS ON BOTH SINGLE AND SOCIETIES. THIS IS BEACAUSE SOME PEOPLE MAY FEEL DISTRACTED. IN OTHER WORDS, IF PEOPLE TEND TO PLAY TUNE WHEN OTHER HAS AN OTHER IMPORTANT WORK TO DO. IT SOUNDS CAN BE NOISY FOR THEM. THEY COULD NOT CONCENTRATE ON THEIR WORK. ANOTHER REASON IS THAT, IT CAN BECOME ADDICTED FOR SOME. FOR EXAMPLE, IF A PERSON PLAYS MUSIC EVERY SINGLE TIME. IT CAN MAKES A BIG NEGATIVE EFFECT ON THEM. IN CONCLUSION, AFTER DISCUSSING BOTH POINTS, I AGREE WITH THE STATEMENT THAT MUSIC IS VERY HUGE BENEFIT BECAUSE IT ENTERTAIN OUR LIFE AND CAN CREATE A BIG CAREER.
IN THIS MODERN ERA, MUSIC IS A SOURCE OR ENTERTAINMENT WHICH IS ACCEPTABLE BY
Did you mean "everywhere"?
EVERY WHERE
IN THIS WORLD.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
Possible spelling mistake found.
BELIVE
THAT IT PROVIDES ADVANTAGES
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
TO INDIVIDUAL AND CITIZENS. WHILE,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THAT, IT AFFECTS
NEGATIVELY
ON THEM. I WILL DISCUSS BOTH STATEMENTS IN THE
NEXT
PARAGRAPHS WITH
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
EXAMPLES AND GIVE MY PERSONAL OPINION.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BEGIN
WITH,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
WHO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THAT, IT HAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
BENEFIT SIDES
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
IT RELAXES OUR MIND TO BE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CLEAR
, AFTER BUSY WORK,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
PREFER TO PLAY OPERA WHICH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
THEM FEEL TIREDNESS.
MOREOVER
, FOR SOMEONE, IT CAN GIVE NAME AND FAME. IF A PERSON
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
INSTRUMENTS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
WELL. THEY CAN BECOME AN ARTIST AND CAN EARN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BIG
AMOUNT.
FURTHERMORE
, IT CAN
ALSO
ENTERTAIN US SUCH AS,
MOSTLY
Possible spelling mistake found.
YUONGSTERS
GO TO DISCOS WHERE THEY ENJOY SOUL PLAYED BY THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
AND DANCE ON IT.
THUS
, THIS IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
POPULAR
Possible spelling mistake found.
WORLDWIDELY
AND EVERYONE
The pronoun 'EVERYONE' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "enjoys", "enjoyed".
ENJOY
ACCORDINGLY
.

ON THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
HAND,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
ERE AGAINST THIS AND SAY THAT, THIS HAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
IMPACTS ON BOTH SINGLE AND SOCIETIES. THIS IS
Possible spelling mistake found.
BEACAUSE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
MAY FEEL DISTRACTED. IN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
WORDS, IF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
TEND TO PLAY TUNE WHEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
HAS AN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
IMPORTANT
WORK TO DO. IT SOUNDS CAN BE NOISY FOR THEM. THEY COULD NOT CONCENTRATE ON THEIR WORK. ANOTHER REASON IS THAT, IT CAN BECOME ADDICTED FOR
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
.
FOR EXAMPLE
, IF A PERSON PLAYS MUSIC EVERY SINGLE TIME. IT CAN
The verb 'CAN' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
MAKES
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BIG
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
EFFECT ON THEM.

IN CONCLUSION
, AFTER DISCUSSING BOTH POINTS, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
AGREE
WITH THE STATEMENT THAT MUSIC IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
HUGE BENEFIT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
IT ENTERTAIN OUR LIFE AND CAN CREATE A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BIG
CAREER.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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