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people learn better form higher-level individuals, such as teachers and supervisors or form persons who are in their own level v.2

people learn better form higher-level individuals, such as teachers and supervisors or form persons who are in their own level v. 2
Since the beginning of the currenct century, the concept of learning has become a commn trend. It is very crucial for people to keep learn along their whole life, even from books, technology or people around them. Some people believe that they could learn better form their peers and collagues at work. However, there is another substantial body of evidence claims that learning form superiors is more beneficial. From a personal perspective, learning form high level individuals, such as teachers or supervisors is more significant given that they have great experience and knowledge. Below I will strive to expain my supporting points in more details. The first and foremost point, teachers are usually have broad knowledge. Provided that students depend on their educators to get information, they could always gain much more knoweldge. Nevertheless, some of our peers could excel in one area, they could not be as proficient as teachers. A vivid example that could be given to shed light on what was stated above is, I remember when I was at high school, I was terrible on phisics. Thus, I turned to one of my friend called Christine to tutor me. Even though she was very good at this subject, she could not answer all my questions. On the other hand, when I went to my professor, he explained the topic for my properly and taught me how to solve some mathimatics with an easy way. Consequently, asking profesionals persons always has more merits. Next, coupled with expand konwledge, experience is another virtue of learing form superiors. To put it in othrt words, supervisors or mangers are more skillful, and more experience in giving instructions; so they could convey information better. For instance, five years ago, when I did my pharmacy internship, my co-worker was adept in using the pharmacy system, but she did not have enough experience how to deal with patients. On the contray, the manger of the pharmacy was very qualified; hence, he taught me many skilld such as, working under stress, be multitask and dealing with patients specially angery ones. As a result, I could add all this skills to my resume and got better job after graduation. Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt, learning form those who higher level is better than learning form those who are on own level. It is suggested that people compromise and ask for guidance form all well-rounded people.
Since the beginning of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
currenct
century, the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
has become a
Possible spelling mistake found.
commn
trend. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
learn along their whole life, even from books, technology or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they could learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
their peers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
collagues
at work.
However
, there is another substantial body of evidence claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
superiors is more beneficial. From a personal perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
high level individuals, such as teachers or supervisors is more significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that they have great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and knowledge. Below I will strive to
Possible spelling mistake found.
expain
my supporting points in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

The
first
and foremost point, teachers are
usually
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
broad knowledge. Provided that students depend on their educators to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information, they could always gain much more
Possible spelling mistake found.
knoweldge
.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of our peers could excel in one area, they could not be as proficient as teachers. A vivid example that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was stated
above is, I remember when I was at high school, I was terrible on
Possible spelling mistake found.
phisics
.
Thus
, I turned to one of my friend called Christine to tutor me.
Even though
she was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at this subject, she could not answer all my questions.
On the other hand
, when I went to my professor, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
the topic for my
properly
and taught me how to solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
mathimatics
with an easy way.
Consequently
, asking
Possible spelling mistake found.
profesionals
persons always has more merits.

Next
, coupled with expand
Possible spelling mistake found.
konwledge
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is another virtue of
Possible spelling mistake found.
learing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
superiors. To put it in
Possible spelling mistake found.
othrt
words, supervisors or mangers are more skillful, and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in giving instructions;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could convey information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
For instance
, five years ago, when I did my pharmacy internship, my co-worker was adept in using the pharmacy system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
how to deal with patients. On the
Possible spelling mistake found.
contray
, the manger of the pharmacy was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
qualified;
hence
, he taught me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
skilld
such as, working under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, be multitask and dealing with patients
specially
Possible spelling mistake found.
angery
ones.
As a result
, I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
all
Did you mean "these"?
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to my resume and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job after graduation.

Taking everything into consideration, without a doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
those who higher level is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
those who are on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
level. It
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compromise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
guidance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
all well-rounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay people learn better form higher-level individuals, such as teachers and supervisors or form persons who are in their own level v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
402 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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