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In some countries people are forced to retire when they reach a certain age What are the advantages and disadvantages of this v.2

In some countries people are forced to retire when they reach a certain age What are the advantages and disadvantages of this v. 2
These days, in some countries the older people are compulsory to retire when they reach 60 years old, which brings some benefits for them. However, beside some advantages, it also has somes disadvantages to individuals and society. There are some pros in that people have to retire in a forced way. Firstly, when the older people are retired, they might spend much time on family and themselves. They concerntrated on their work in a long time and forgot their beloved people, so they will become to care for family and children in retiring time. They can also enjoy their life and do something they like. Secondly, retiring helps elderly people conserve their health because they do not need to be exhausted on work. They have enough time to sleep and do exercise regularly, not being stress and feel comfortable. The most important advantage is that young people have opportunities to promote and replace the position of the older people. Adults are able to improve and develop new things, which helps society more advanced. However, beside some advantages it also carries some disadvantages for society. Firstly, the older people usually have much more experience and knowlegde than young people. Their ideas might contribute for society many great achievements, whereas they are forced to retire, which will be a serious wasting. They are still enough enthusiastic to continuously work, but they are compulsory to retire, which may be unfair. Moreover, in many works have not enough the number of employees, and the older people have to retire. This leads to some negative effects on society. In conclusion, the older people are required to retire, which brings both advantages and disadvantages. Depending on countries, situations, government should have some appropriate policies to avoid negative impacts.
These days, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are compulsory to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
when they reach 60 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, which brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for them.
However
, beside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, it
also
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
somes
disadvantages to individuals and society.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
Consider replacing "in a forced way" with the adverb for "forced"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a forced way
.
Firstly
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are retired
, they might spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on family and themselves. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
concerntrated
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and forgot their beloved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will become to care for family and children in retiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. They can
also
enjoy their life and do something they like.
Secondly
, retiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conserve their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not need to
be exhausted
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to sleep and do exercise
regularly
, not being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and feel comfortable. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
is that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have opportunities to promote and replace the position of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Adults are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and develop new things, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
society more advanced.

However
, beside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
it
also
carries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for society.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
have much more experience and
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowlegde
than young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
might contribute for society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great achievements, whereas they
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
, which will be a serious wasting. They are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
enthusiastic to
continuously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are compulsory to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
, which may be unfair.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
the number of employees, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
. This leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on society.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
, which brings both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages. Depending on countries, situations,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
appropriate policies to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay In some countries people are forced to retire when they reach a certain age What are the advantages and disadvantages of this v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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