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Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to the individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to the individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. v. 1
Although there is no doubt about music being generated throughout different places worldwide, sceptics and advocates of music influences have raised a constant debate of its effects on people and communities. Despite their justifiable reasons, I believe the positive value of music is due to people's intentions. If it hasn't been for the advantages of music, there would be no musical widespread these days. Listening to music is likely to be one of the most preferable methods for individuals to relieve stress and recharge energy after hectic and working pressure, yet positive mood and valuable lessons about gaining confidence and compassion for humanity can also be conveyed by lyrics and melodies. Additionally, through the development of mankind, music has been a great contributor to the cultural prosperity of various civilizations. For example, great composers Mozart and Bach used their exquisite talents to perform majestic music masterpieces, which were subsequently considered to be heritages of humanity. On the contrary, there are several disadvantages to music. Due to its easily conveyable trait, music can be taken advantage of by evil-minded individuals to transfer immorality to the young who are vulnerable to wicked purposes, thus lead to collapsed personality in the long term. Moreover, music is accused of not only the main reason for sound pollution in the modernized world but also a cause of traffic accidents due to driving and listening to music simultaneously. In my perspective, music is of the major importance to people that it's unimaginable to anticipate a life without it. In spite of the possible negative effects, it is based on the human to hold onto the precious value that music may bring.
Although there is no doubt about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
being generated
throughout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places worldwide,
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptics' is British English.
sceptics
and advocates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
influences have raised a constant debate of its effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and communities. Despite their justifiable reasons, I believe the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's intentions.

If it hasn't been for the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, there would be no musical widespread these days. Listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is likely to be one of the most preferable methods for individuals to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and recharge energy after hectic and working pressure,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
mood and valuable lessons about gaining confidence and compassion for humanity can
also
be conveyed
by lyrics and melodies.
Additionally
, through the development of mankind,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has been a great contributor to the cultural prosperity of various civilizations.
For example
, great composers Mozart and Bach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their exquisite talents to perform majestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
masterpieces, which were
subsequently
considered to be heritages of humanity.

On the contrary
, there are several disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Due to its
easily
conveyable trait,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
be taken
advantage of by evil-minded individuals to transfer immorality to the young who are vulnerable to wicked purposes,
thus
lead to collapsed personality in the long term.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is accused
of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the main reason for sound pollution in the modernized world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a cause of traffic accidents due to driving and listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
simultaneously
.

In my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is of the major importance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that it's unimaginable to anticipate a life without it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, it
is based
on the human to hold onto the precious value that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
may bring.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to the individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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